Nightmare of nightmares, that’s the only way i can describe it. My heard stopped, heck, the world stopped at least for a fraction of a second so I apologize if anyone inadvertently bumped their nose as the sudden loss of momentum reverberated throughout the universe. Actually I had read that on a quantum level every atom is connected to every other atom in some unexplainable way and if true, every Canon camera shrieked in the horror as they quantumly sensed every cameras worst nightmare.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Stories are best when started at the beginning so to the beginning I go. Once, oh so long ago a sperm met an egg and... um... I guess I don’t have to go that far back so zip forward a bunch to yesterday after work. I am prepping for an upcoming vacation and as all know a vacation is a great opportunity for a new bag. I, being the diligent vacationer that I am had purchased one just a scant week ago. This weekend was the first dry run of the bags utility and though it performed better than expected, there were a few adjustments I sensed needed to be made. So I emptied the bags contents on my desk and did a little re-partitioning. I adjusted, moved, re-configured and re-adjusted until I sensed all was perfect, all was right. Nothing is more satisfying than knowing that one has achieved bag-nirvana, the perfection of space and partition. Yin and yang spun in complete harmony and an unworldly glow emanated as if the angles themselves had descended to gaze upon a true masterpiece. Why, even Scout the family Jack Russell raised his lazy head and smiled a satisfied doggie smile as he lay on his little doggie pillow under my desk. Why do i mention Scout, well as you will soon read, he becomes very important to the story.
So I replaced all the content, each lens nestled perfectly in their new home. The camera slid in as if its space had been built just for him as I guess it was. Done, everything fit better than before and was more accessible. I rolled back from the desk and went to get a diet Coke to celebrate the job well done. As I was walking into the kitchen I turned to once again marvel at what I had created. That’s when the world stopped. They say that when you sense the end, your whole life flashes before your eyes and I can attest that that is not only true, but extends to camera gear as well. What I saw will send shivers down your back, will make you cringe as you would when driving by a severe accident but yet you are compelled to look. If you have a weak heart or bad back stop reading now for I am not responsible for any injuries or sudden death. What I saw was a bag full of camera gear now tipping face down frozen in space. I felt like Captain Kirk in that one episode when the pretty woman had sped the Captain up so that Bones and Spock were no more animated than statues. But unfortunately I did not poses the Captains speedy ability else I would have just shuffled over and drawn a happy face in the plasma stream and placed a pillow under the falling gear. I also saw Scout, the rat dog with his little rat dog head looped in the bags strap and the bag dutifully following the strap. NNNNOOOOoooo..... I heard myself saying as I tried to dive and reverse the event that was about to ensue but alas, I do not poses super human speed and the bag flatly thunked onto the floor. Scout scampered away, the angelic light disappeared and I plopped on the floor afraid to turn the bag over for fear of the carnage I would see underneath.
I mustered my resolve and knew a friend was in need. Gently turning over the bag I was surprised to see that none of the lenses had been ejected from their padded cell and that the camera was still nestled as well. I gently removed the camera for closer inspection and saw that nothing was missing, nothing was cracked and flicking on the power button I was greeted by the familiar glow of all the appropriate lights. I sighed as I released the world form its temporary non-spinning state and time returned to its proper pace. Going through the rest of the equipment no one else suffered even a scratch but upon closer examination of the camera I noticed that the polarizer was firmly stuck on and examining even closer I saw that one quadrant was pushed in a bit farther cross threading the filter firmly in place. A small screwdriver judiciously used in the affected area brought the threads once again in alignment and the polarizer easily screwed off.
Well I learned three lessons last night and I would like to inform others so that you can avoid the heart wrenching hour or so going through everything making sure all is well. First, never trust angels for I am certain that they were jealous of perfection and when I wasn’t paying attention flicked the strap so that it hung over the desk and not on the desk. Next, never feed a dog directly from the kitchen. Scout sensing that I was headed that way dutifully followed knowing that there is a non-zero probability that something better than the dog food we feed him will magically present itself for his consumption. And lastly never leave a unzipped bag unattended even for a second. I don’t know why, and I’m sure it is one of those mysteries of life but bad stuff happened to good cameras.
Now THAT's a long post
, may I suggest breaking your paragraphs up with a little white space to make for smaller less intimidating blocks of text? 
