The 2nd official Random Discussion For TPBM Photo's and Photographers Thread (2)

Permagrin wrote in post #3620453
LOL...well neither of mine were. THE PAPER (said much like THE FOOTSTEPS OF DOOM) was something they hated to do so it was rare that they willingly undertook it. My favorite saying to them was "A + B = C...if you do this and you know you shouldn't, the results are this. It's not me punishing you, it's you choosing this result."

lol I usually start out with "we can do this the EASY way or we can do it the HARD way. The choice is yours." One time she asked me if there was a medium way.

cylentka wrote in post #3620484
lol I usually start out with "we can do this the EASY way or we can do it the HARD way. The choice is yours." One time she asked me if there was a medium way.

I got to be the bad guy occasionally. There was the easy way, the hard way and Dad's way, which was nigh unto impossible. They really hated lectures.

theague wrote in post #3620477
ALL the time.. not necessarily with the wife, but really with anyone that deserves it.



i've never found logic to be a workable solution with children.

well we didn't allow them to argue with us (that was a paperable offense). They could say "once" their issue, whatever it was. We then gave them a response, sometimes we had to think about an answer but others, the answer was obvious and immediate. But no arguing (or yelling). An escalation of voices is just another way of a kid trying to get control of an adult by making the adult lose their temper...we just wouldn't play the game. We gave 2 warnings....usually, "that's enough, I've made my decision...you'd best stop or your going to have to write a paper" and then if they continued they'd have to write.

You are right though, consistancy is the key. That's why I was a stay at home mom. It was a tough job that never ended 24-7 there was always issues, cooking, rescuing, cleaning, hauling and you didn't get to "go home at night and forget about work" but they always knew I was there if they needed me (often even when they wished I wasn't :lol but these days they say they realize just how lucky they were.....honestly, I think it's the hardest job in the world. And THEN when they're gone you are middle aged and have no real world, employable skills (that's rather difficult as well and something that I never thought about when I was young). Still, my kids were the best investment I could have made and I'm not sorry I made it.

Permagrin wrote in post #3620359
Mostly, we made them write papers .

cylentka wrote in post #3620387
I can see her sitting at the table yelling out "how do you spell insubordination and delinquent??"

theague wrote in post #3620401
I think consistancy with discipline, either mental or physical, is what will make the biggest difference.

I always want to give the wife a hug after we've argued.

Agree with the paper writing and the dictionary. The trick to discipline is to find the one that will in turn teach "self" discipline. This is one of the root principles behind basic training in the armed services. When they are young, they will need help from dictionaries and looking stuff up, but; that re-opens the door to communication and bonding and sets a calmer atmosphere to discuss what is improper about the the behavior and they are learning beyond the intial intent. KWIM?

Maxey - the bold is for you and my earlier comment.

Pete wrote in post #3620429
But.... What happens if a kids creative enough to be naughty, simply because he's got a good idea for writing a paper about it?

Always keep a tablet of paper with you and a pencil. When such behavior is suspected, start steering the child toward their creative writing tendancy, after awhile, they will just start writing rather than doing the misbehaviour thing first. And always, always, give positive feedback to their writing, like our beginning pictures, there are going to be some flaws, bring out the positive in their writing, just as we do for each other in our pictures and gently critque any flaws with suggestions on what can be better. And then glow when you witness them receiving their Pulitzer's.

Permagrin wrote in post #3620528
well we didn't allow them to argue with us (that was a paperable offense). They could say "once" their issue, whatever it was. We then gave them a response, sometimes we had to think about an answer but others, the answer was obvious and immediate. But no arguing (or yelling). An escalation of voices is just another way of a kid trying to get control of an adult by making the adult lose their temper...we just wouldn't play the game. We gave 2 warnings....usually, "that's enough, I've made my decision...you'd best stop or your going to have to write a paper" and then if they continued they'd have to write.

You are right though, consistancy is the key. That's why I was a stay at home mom. It was a tough job that never ended 24-7 there was always issues, cooking, rescuing, cleaning, hauling and you didn't get to "go home at night and forget about work" but they always knew I was there if they needed me (often even when they wished I wasn't :lol but these days they say they realize just how lucky they were.....honestly, I think it's the hardest job in the world. And THEN when they're gone you are middle aged and have no real world, employable skills (that's rather difficult as well and something that I never thought about when I was young). Still, my kids were the best investment I could have made and I'm not sorry I made it.

The problem with Allie right now is that she honestly can't seem to stop arguing. She'll start to argue with me and I'll stop her and tell her she's not permitted to argue, then she'll argue about arguing. So I tell her again she's arguing with me and to just be quiet. She gets more frustrated and belligerent which results in a time out. We seem to spend all evening, every evening going through this routine. So I'm thinking I need to try something else. I'd rather not resort to spanking, so I'll give the writing papers trick a try. I'm sure there will be many tears at first but maybe making her write down that she is doing something wrong and needs to stop will help get it through her head.

Thanks to everyone for their input. I'm at wits end here and she's only 6.

Pete wrote in post #3619880
Well, I tried an experiment with ice forming on one of my ornaments.

It ended up looking like this. It earned a fair degree of childish tittering, so I didn't try anything like it again... Judge for yourself!!

Oooh, er. It's certainly artistic. Umm. What exactly were you going for?

I was after an ice scuplture type look, but with the metal shining through from underneath. Shame that the reality didn't match my thoughts...

Pete wrote in post #3620659
I was after an ice scuplture type look, but with the metal shining through from underneath. Shame that the reality didn't match my thoughts...

Or did it?

Well I gotta go get the kid and stop at the store for a big supply of writing paper.

Catch ya later (probably while she's writing).

Pete wrote in post #3620659
I was after an ice scuplture type look, but with the metal shining through from underneath. Shame that the reality didn't match my thoughts...

So, it wasn't supposed to look like someone with a severe upper respiratory infection sneezed on it?

Don't be discouraged Wanda...every kid goes through it. Psychologists call it "testing the boundaries" and say that children need (and even want, because it makes them feel safe, although they don't realize it) them.

I'd advise setting guidelines for what is acceptable behavior (for her and believe it or not, we set them for us too...including making an effort to not yell or get drawn into an argument with them & not spanking in anger). Then decide your course of action when the behavior is unacceptable. Like I said, we gave two warning and then administered whatever discipline (we never called it punishment and we usually always reminded them that it was the result of their actions that they knew they weren't supposed to do). And we consistently followed this procedure. If they misbehaved in public, they either lost the opportunity to do something fun next time they asked or lost out on the treat or whatever it was that we'd gone out to do. I think only once did I have to take either of them into a bathroom at the store and spank them and that was when they were about 3 or 4...after that the question "do you want me to take you into the bathroom and spank you?" worked...

I know that it's frustrating right now, parenting is super hard work and I think it's even harder when you're doing it alone.

Be encouraged though, it pays off in the end...you end up with socially responsible offspring that are decent people that you enjoy being around

i never knew POTN would shed light on parenting skills as well as photography.

theague wrote in post #3620688
i never knew POTN would shed light on parenting skills as well as photography.

it's amazing how skilled we all are, right

Fun. A group my wife is on an e-mail list with started asking questions about my most recent set of shots. What kind of camera do I use and who do I go to to make prints. Apparently, she wants lessons.

I'm not an instructor, I'm not a patient person, nor do I play one on TV. Besides, I don't really think she could easily duplicate the results without flashes, stands and umbrellas, unless she had some well-positioned windows with no direct sunlight shining through them.

We are a multi-talented, multi-functional, and multi-tasking group.