The 2nd official Random Discussion For TPBM Photo's and Photographers Thread (2)

Jamie, I was looking at your racing shots and #23 is outstanding! They are all very good but I just love the comp on that. What mode did you end up using for exposure because you seem to have nailed it during that whole shoot?

I guess the kiddie conversation has come to an end huh?

Looks like all conversation came to a halt for awhile.

I thought all the main chatters had been banished to the Wedding section for a while...!

Permagrin wrote in post #3620359
We only spanked as a last resort. Mostly, we made them write papers pertaining to their behavior. 1 page...and they had to write an honest paper about what they did, why it was wrong and what would be the appropriate action instead. IF they wrote a smart alecky paper, they ended up writing another one. And they HAD to do the paper before they could play. By the time they were in high school, they were SO creative with their papers....I wish we'd kept them. It really was an effective means of discipline. Because they really had to think about their actions. And when they were little it was one page, front side only and as they got older it was front and back. For us, it was better than a "time out" because they both had great imaginations and so time outs with no toys did absolutely no good whatsoever.

I love this idea! Writing papers like this is a great way for them to analzye their own behaviour and try to justify their sideof an arguement...

Permagrin wrote in post #3620383
I have to say though that our son was stubborn and often said, when told he'd have to write a paper "I don't care! It was worth it"...which garned him an additional paper. I remember once, only once that he spent the day writing papers because he would mouth off IN the paper...that was a long day for us both. But he never did it again....

You sure you two don't want to baby sit????

theague wrote in post #3620401
Which is funny because once I got married I always want to give the wife a hug after we've argued.

My husband and I rarely argue but when we do... the "hugs" are always amazing afterwards

Permagrin wrote in post #3620453
LOL...well neither of mine were. THE PAPER (said much like THE FOOTSTEPS OF DOOM) was something they hated to do so it was rare that they willingly undertook it. My favorite saying to them was "A + B = C...if you do this and you know you shouldn't, the results are this. It's not me punishing you, it's you choosing this result."

OK that's it - we are sending all our kids to you... and I'll throw in a camera body and lens of your choice as a bribe...

cylentka wrote in post #3620621
The problem with Allie right now is that she honestly can't seem to stop arguing. She'll start to argue with me and I'll stop her and tell her she's not permitted to argue, then she'll argue about arguing. So I tell her again she's arguing with me and to just be quiet. She gets more frustrated and belligerent which results in a time out. We seem to spend all evening, every evening going through this routine. So I'm thinking I need to try something else. I'd rather not resort to spanking, so I'll give the writing papers trick a try. I'm sure there will be many tears at first but maybe making her write down that she is doing something wrong and needs to stop will help get it through her head.

Thanks to everyone for their input. I'm at wits end here and she's only 6.

What exactly is she arguing about? What to eat? What to wear?

Permagrin wrote in post #3620682
Don't be discouraged Wanda...every kid goes through it. Psychologists call it "testing the boundaries" and say that children need (and even want, because it makes them feel safe, although they don't realize it) them.

I'd advise setting guidelines for what is acceptable behavior (for her and believe it or not, we set them for us too...including making an effort to not yell or get drawn into an argument with them & not spanking in anger). Then decide your course of action when the behavior is unacceptable. Like I said, we gave two warning and then administered whatever discipline (we never called it punishment and we usually always reminded them that it was the result of their actions that they knew they weren't supposed to do). And we consistently followed this procedure. If they misbehaved in public, they either lost the opportunity to do something fun next time they asked or lost out on the treat or whatever it was that we'd gone out to do. I think only once did I have to take either of them into a bathroom at the store and spank them and that was when they were about 3 or 4...after that the question "do you want me to take you into the bathroom and spank you?" worked...

I know that it's frustrating right now, parenting is super hard work and I think it's even harder when you're doing it alone.

Be encouraged though, it pays off in the end...you end up with socially responsible offspring that are decent people that you enjoy being around

I agree... but I also think you have to allow them a little automony, allow them to make some of the decisions... especially if it is an easy thing to relent on...
at the moment my son doesnt' want to cut his hair... his father hates it long and is insistingon a hair cut... you would think he wanted to cut his head off the way he reacts, so i have convinced my hsband to let him have long hair for a bit... it s one of the few things in his life he has control over...

Permagrin wrote in post #3620770
the TF should change it to "I may be full of crap but I've got nice legs!"

So let's see 'em

puddlepirate44 wrote in post #3619894
Noise Ninja is great, but here are some cautions that I'd like to put out there for you to contemplate:

ROFL

cylentka wrote in post #3620337
Interesting. I try not to spank because its not socially acceptable these days. But I do wonder sometimes if I'm making a mistake. My kid is just so stubborn. It takes so much time disciplining her with time outs and lost privileges, and it doesn't seem to help with things like backtalk and insolence. She can't seem to develop the self-control to shut herself up. I do the lecture thing sometimes, but she keeps interrupting and arguing every point. It is SO hard to get her to just STFU.

At the risk of exposing my lack of good parenting skills...get a water bottle My 20 year old son had/has a mouth....oiy....I found that a spray of cold water in the face worked wonders on stilling his mouth as well as amused the heck out of me (which served a dual purpose by helping me with my then horrid temper)


Just a quick howdee...back to the icky spreadsheets

OH, Jo...

Congrats on the new title.

Pete wrote in post #3620313
Here's my home office. View to back garden

Your house is so English Pete. I love seeing pictures of it. Reminds me of my time there.

cylentka wrote in post #3620337
Interesting. I try not to spank because its not socially acceptable these days.

Spanking is last on an established list of parental interventions for us. The kids know the order -
1. Time out on the bottom step for age in minutes (all are no talking allowed - talking starts the timer over).
2. Time out on the step of 10 minutes.
3. Time out in your room of 10 minutes.
4. Time out in your room in your BED for 10 minutes.
5. Spanking.
They get to #5 only about twice a year and then it's with my hand so I can gauge the pain level. Three swats followed by a repeat of #4 and then a discussion.

Permagrin wrote in post #3620359
We only spanked as a last resort. Mostly, we made them write papers pertaining to their behavior.

I like this - once we get over the reading/writing hump I might borrow it, k?

theague wrote in post #3620401
once I got married I always want to give the wife a hug after we've argued.

aw - Kody! That is so super sweet.

MRaiford wrote in post #3620786
In reality, I don't mind showing her the basics for getting better pictures.. I just don't want to be a free personal photography instructor. That's what community colleges are for, minus the free and personal part.

Give her some pointers and give her the POTN web address.

theague wrote in post #3621448
OH, Jo...

Congrats on the new title.

Thank you - I think!

Athena wrote in post #3621606
aw - Kody! That is so super sweet.

Thanks - I'm quite the affectionate guy.

Athena wrote in post #3621606
Spanking is last on an established list of parental interventions for us. The kids know the order -
1. Time out on the bottom step for age in minutes (all are no talking allowed - talking starts the timer over).
2. Time out on the step of 10 minutes.
3. Time out in your room of 10 minutes.
4. Time out in your room in your BED for 10 minutes.
5. Spanking.
They get to #5 only about twice a year and then it's with my hand so I can gauge the pain level. Three swats followed by a repeat of #4 and then a discussion.

My girls learnt from an early age that dad was in charge. 1 warning was all they got. After that 1 smack. Always with hand.

Now they are older a different approch is taken.
In NZ they passed a law that you cannot smack your kids.

Each child is so different

weka, are you starting to stalk all the fine women that frequent this thread?

I think the UK has banned spanking too. That and children of different genders can not legally share a bedroom.

How old are your girls Weka?

Permagrin wrote in post #3620682
Don't be discouraged Wanda...every kid goes through it. Psychologists call it "testing the boundaries" and say that children need (and even want, because it makes them feel safe, although they don't realize it) them.

I'd advise setting guidelines for what is acceptable behavior (for her and believe it or not, we set them for us too...including making an effort to not yell or get drawn into an argument with them & not spanking in anger). Then decide your course of action when the behavior is unacceptable. Like I said, we gave two warning and then administered whatever discipline (we never called it punishment and we usually always reminded them that it was the result of their actions that they knew they weren't supposed to do). And we consistently followed this procedure. If they misbehaved in public, they either lost the opportunity to do something fun next time they asked or lost out on the treat or whatever it was that we'd gone out to do. I think only once did I have to take either of them into a bathroom at the store and spank them and that was when they were about 3 or 4...after that the question "do you want me to take you into the bathroom and spank you?" worked...

I know that it's frustrating right now, parenting is super hard work and I think it's even harder when you're doing it alone.

Be encouraged though, it pays off in the end...you end up with socially responsible offspring that are decent people that you enjoy being around

Thanks. On the way home today she asked me I was going to spank her if she got in trouble (because I had threatened her with it yesterday) and so I said no and then explained the paper-writing idea. She got sulky about it but had amazingly little to say about it. More amazingly she hasn't been arguing with me! Well, there is always the constant conversational arguing that she does,like I told her to get washed because supper would be ready in 10 minutes and she argued that it wouldn't really be ready in 10 minutes if the universe started running backwards, etc, etc. I let her get away with that sort of stuff, but when she's doing the "back talk arguing", I start seeing red. But she hasn't done that yet tonight. Gee, I just get a plan and she's foiling it already, lol. But that's good!

puddlepirate44 wrote in post #3620748
It's not easy raising kids. It's all OJT. Flying by the seat of the pants. If you have two kids, they need to be handled and brought up differently. With our kids, which may, or may not work with other's kids, we just made it obvious that 1. We were a united front, Mom wasn't going to override Dad, and vice versa. 2. We were going to win. Period. I would just escalate the situation until that was the case. Never in anger, never beyond the "crime".

I remember once with my son, who loved to argue, had a chip on his shoulder. He started to argue with me. Mind you, I never discouraged discussion. I wanted them to talk to me, to hash things out, work out the dilemma... rationally and respectfully. I told him, "One warning, that's all you get." More argument. "That's a paper." This resulted in a new burst of wrath. "Two papers." Indignation and further words. "Three papers." This went on until he had seven papers to write. Then he caught on and shut up. I just sat there and added work until he realized that 1. It wasn't going to get him anywhere talking to me that way, 2. there were serious consequences to his actions, 3. It wasn't going to get any easier and 4. I was going to win because I was Dad.

I think we're having trouble with No. 4 here, lol. She thinks because she's smart (everyone tells her this even when I beg them not to), and can read, and is a purple belt, etc, that she's on par with adults. So I'm having to take her down a few notches. or something.

theague wrote in post #3621357
I guess the kiddie conversation has come to an end huh?

It never ends, lol.

jothefish wrote in post #3621387
What exactly is she arguing about? What to eat? What to wear?

Basically everything, lol. What ever I say she HAS to have a counter to it, and she always wants the last word. Even coming out of a time out she'll argue that she really didn't do anything wrong, blah blah blah. Another time out and she comes out with an insolent way of shaking her face in my face, without saying anything. Another time out and she'll just glare at me. I threaten her with ANOTHER time out and she starts arguing all over again that she's good and I'm bad. I've tried varying the length of the time outs, adding loss of privileges, etc. Nothing really works. And I'm not really strict about a lot of things. If she wants pizza for breakfast and yogurt for supper, I don't really care. I don't care what she wears so long as it is somewhat weather appropriate (she wore her bathrobe over her dress this morning). I just want some basic respect.

misspix wrote in post #3621438
At the risk of exposing my lack of good parenting skills...get a water bottle My 20 year old son had/has a mouth....oiy....I found that a spray of cold water in the face worked wonders on stilling his mouth as well as amused the heck out of me (which served a dual purpose by helping me with my then horrid temper)

LOL Ya know, if she didn't have issues with getting her face and head wet, I would maybe try that.

theague wrote in post #3621448
OH, Jo...

Congrats on the new title.

LOL

theague wrote in post #3621701
weka, are you starting to stalk all the fine women that frequent this thread?

Not that I was aware of why do you ask?

Oh define stalk. Bit of a out of left feild question