The Bride doesn't want me to take pre-ceremony shots

As title really, I have a wedding to do in 2 weeks. Not the main photog, but as the guy doing the photojournalism style with the main photog doing group/posed shots (fine by me), I am doing it as a favour to a friend (the groom) anyway so its suits me perfectly.

However, I would prefer it if i can go to the Bride and photograph her before the ceremony (all the prep), however she rather have her sister to take some photos instead on some disposables camera or cheap P&S. That actually pains me more than her, on one hand I want her to have the best set of photograph to remember the day by, secondly I want to do it properly from start to finish.

The Groom agrees with me, and we are all sitting down tomorrow to have a chat about the day and a brief outline of the day's itinerary.

So help me create a argument that she simply can't refuse?

Weve had this twice so far this year, both times the bride started off saying she didnt want prep shots, we chatted to both and explained that of course it was totally her choice when she wanted coverage to start but also explained gently why we thought prep shots were important.

Our main arguments were >

We like to tell the whole story of the day and the run up and preperation for the wedding ceremony is an important part of the day.

We like to start early with both the bride and groom so that when it comes to the main part of teh day everyone is totally relaxed with having us around.

I pointed both brides to our blog to look at some recent prep shots we had done so they could see the sort of thing we did.

Finally I just said for them to be totally sure on what they want as I didnt want them to regret it afterwards.

In one case the bride changed her mind and we ended up doing prep shots and she loved them, in the other case she didnt change her mind and our coverage started with the ceremony and it felt like a bit of a struggle to get started that day.

All you can really do is try and find out what her concerns are and talk to her about those concerns but if she just doesnt want you there I think you have to tread quite gently on this one as its easy to seem pushy, end of the day its her day and what she wants is what she gets imo.

The bride from my last wedding this past weekend changed her mind at the rehearsal and decided that she didn't want any pre-ceremony shots...

We find that this is really common. One of our most popular packages starts at the ceremony venue with the grooms arrival and flows through to just after the formals. The couple go on to the reception and we go home. I think that to a lot of people these shots are great album fillers, but not what their most cherished memories will be.

This probably doesn't help though.

Cheers!
Naomi

"Helps tell the story of the day, if you don't like 'em don't look at them, but they're often good to have."

My brides haven't wanted bridal shoots done either. Frustrating because it's nice to get them away from all that hustle and bustle and focus on some extra special shots.
At my niece's, (my very first time as a main photographer, I'll post a couple of shots), after the ceremony, we had 2 hours to spare, so, my sister and I snuck both the bride and groom off to a quiet place for about an hour. It worked beautifully!
Not sure what I am going to be able to manage with my friend's wedding on September 1st.

I hope it all goes well for you.

Welcome Alison!

You had time to spare at a wedding? I don't think i've ever had that in the 50 or however many I shot! Most people tend to leave their day pretty packed here, and want to get to the receptions to see their guests ASAP. Only the ones that really want great photos leave spare time.

if you've shot other weddings before then have some pre-ceremony shots from them and shot how awesome they are, that should be convincing.

I love shooting the bridal prep because it offers so many opportunities for getting creative and it's usually not as fast paced as the rest of the wedding. I too have found that some brides just don't want a photographer there. I'm sure part of it is that they don't want a strange, male photographer. When shooting a wedding for friends or family, they never seem to mind at all.

Also, part of it is the cost. My packages are based on how much coverage they want. It's cheaper to hire me for just the ceremony & formals than if they want prep shots & reception shots etc.

How well do you know the bride? It could be that she doesn't feel comfortable having you there with her. I know that personally, I would even rather have a strange male photographer in the room with me than a friend of my fiance's that I don't really know. It would be awkward. Could that be it?

I just wanted to add that for a lot of brides that "prep time" is a very important part of the day and not necessarily one that a more reserved bride would want photographed. It's a few "last" hours with mom, sisters, best friends... I guess I'm just saying that I don't think it is something to be too pushy about (not that I think you are)

notapro wrote in post #3737639
How well do you know the bride? It could be that she doesn't feel comfortable having you there with her. I know that personally, I would even rather have a strange male photographer in the room with me than a friend of my fiance's that I don't really know. It would be awkward. Could that be it?

I've known her for almost 10 years, actually was a year below me at my old school, and see her now and again when i go to her house (which she share with the groom/husband to be). So she is no stranger.

notapro wrote in post #3737650
I just wanted to add that for a lot of brides that "prep time" is a very important part of the day and not necessarily one that a more reserved bride would want photographed. It's a few "last" hours with mom, sisters, best friends... I guess I'm just saying that I don't think it is something to be too pushy about (not that I think you are)

Totally agree with that and each to their own, we give our reasons why we offer it and enjoy doing it and then the decision is up to them.

I do genuinely think it helps most brides having us around at that time though as its usually quite a tense time for the bride and her family prior to the ceremony so having a photographer around who shoots weddings each week is usually a calming influence ... plus its someone to do the umpteen other things that need doing prior to the ceremony. Prior to the ceremony I am usually the time keeper, champagne opener, calming influence, my wife (she assists us on the day) helped make the orders of service just before the ceremony at one of our last weddings, weve also transported guests to the church on a couple of occasions when they havent calculated the transport properly, my camera bag is usually the brides handbag for the day, my wife has fixed the brides fathers trousers when they delivered the wrong size ... and the list just goes on and on

notapro wrote in post #3737639
...I would even rather have a strange male photographer in the room with me...

Each to their own!

TJ

TeeJay wrote in post #3737913
Each to their own!

TJ

To be fair, maybe I would just in general rather have a strange male photographer in the room with me....

I just think it would have been awkward if the photographer knew the bride only as an acquaintance. That whole 'I should have something to say, but I really don't' scenario. A stranger on the other hand, I wouldn't feel pressure to be chatty or anything. Since the bride is an old friend, then that's clearly not the case.