He made me so mad I cheated on my diet!!!

If not stated specifically otherwise, low-res with text on the bottom or side with your copyright info, not to be reproduced without permission - so and so. Perfect for e-mailing. Toss in a few cheap 8x10 prints and hope that tides him over from ever trying to get more prints made. If he does complain explain that like you told him on the phone, you do not allow others to reproduce your work and you were the bigger person to give them some prints. Tell him that no cheap drugstore lab could ever reproduce the images at the quality you intended but since he's a friend you would give him additional prints at half price though - which should still be over your cost to get them printed. Sounds like a cheapskate so if you make him think he's getting stuff for free or dirt cheap, that may appeal to his thick-headed side.

Kill 'em with kindness!

If he checks with any self-respecting Photog he'll learn that a CD of full res digital negatives is like GOLD and would never be given away for less than several hundred dollars.

But on the other side, I understand the desire to shut him up and wipe your hands clean.

This is the best advice so far

Lots of good advice here. If you let yourself be pushed around, they won't respect you and the intrinsic value of your work will be lessened. The father-in-law sounds like someone who doesn't respect boundries or understand business. He has made up something, like the requested pics weren't included, to put you on the defensive so he can get a freebie. No way! See the thread about the disappointed bride. I believe that giving into the dad by giving full res CD w/o copyright info and proofs will just be digging the hole you are in deeper.

Ok, I'm a bit confused by your post. You told your friend you would get her a cd of the images, but sent her to ask the in-laws questions. What questions? She ever get back to you with answers?

Now, as was mentioned above, never give away your high res images. Selling is ok if you're happy with the amount you're getting paid for them and don't care about the potential loss of print sales.

You should give him high enough res to make 4x6 prints, WITH watermark (not anything overly intrusive, but still there to plug your name). If he has a problem with the watermarks, you can tell him flat out that you make the majority of your living off of the sale of prints, and giving away CD's with high resolution images for free is bad business for you. There's no problem giving them a CD with the images, but make it clear that these images are sized for smaller prints and will contain a watermark. It's the only way you can protect your livelihood.

Another thing you may want to consider is adding a nice copyright on the disc itself with a warning that the photos are not to be printed any larger than 4x6, so he'll have trouble with any respectable printer.

Unfortunately, you may have to deal with this guy's complaints, but that's just a part of business. I wouldn't be too worried about him as a 'bad' reference. Your work speaks louder than one crabby in-law's complaining. When it all boils down, it's your friend and your friend's partner that are most likely to spread the word of your services to others that are likely to be getting married and need a photographer, so worry about making them happy first and foremost.

Wow, a lot of varied advice. I feel for you having to make the decision what to do, but I feel you've already made the decision. You told your friend you'd give them the CD to get her FIL off her back. I know you're mad at him and rightly so, but making good on your word will prevent this ungrateful man potentially regretting the day his son & DIL got married. Obviously the man is inconsiderate otherwise he wouldn't put his DIL, or you, through this crap.

If it were me, I'd give him a CD of full-res files, unmarked and print ready. The suggestion of including an invoice and a gift credit is ideal to set the value of what he is receiving. I don't see this as giving in, you already did that when you told the bride you'd give the CD, I see this as being honest & upstanding to your word and that's something that's far more important in my mind. Forget about the potential revenue from print sales, be happy for your friend and help make her marriage a little easier for her. This should be a happy time for her not miserable about an over-controlling FIL.

Definitely a learning experience. Good luck.

If you do give him a CD, make sure you give him a list of your approved labs and include a statement that you are NOT responsible for colour or quality if prints are made elsewhere.

Kai / Audra,

The problem with weddings for relatives / friends is that it's impossible to come later with a price if you took the pictures for free as a present.
Some include everything in taking the pictures. They have no idea about how much time you spent for sorting, correcting, cropping, even if some tools support you quite good.

The problem is how to wage the value of your present for the couple.

If you give a low / med resolution CD to her, the prints will not turn out the way expected, they will complain about your "poor work".
If you give the high resolution and they use the wrong lab, there will be the same effect. Most people are looking for the cheapest offer.

Honestly, I would let them know about your costs for doing the work for free, just exclude the things you normally include too, but not for this special wedding, let them know how much time you spent (not including the time taking pictures, as certain people don't see this as work , especially not if you do it for friends) and give a medium resolution CD with the option to order from you for just your own costs, as you can only guarantee this way that the quality of the images will turn out good.
If there is a complaint, then ask what they will do for you free being "friends".

If still insisting for the "proof images", hand over the unmodified raw files as they are your proofs. Probably they are shocked. You can say that this is the base of your work.

For further events like this: Say no with a smile and let the camera at home.

Regarding "diet", diet means only "special food" and you needed special food for your nerves. So, how did you cheat?

Your friend got her FIL off her own back and onto yours. You are the one pressured now.
Having said this, I'd follow through with giving him a low-res CD without watermark---why fuel the fire? If he wants to print 4x6's or email, fine. You've done your end of the deal.

I agree with Gerts. A low rez CD. I've been in a similar situation - doing a friend a favour then suddenly people start making demands. Don't even give it a second thought. Low rez. CD.

The more people get away with this, word will spread and more people will try it.

low res..

First of all none of this will matter in a few months. Second I give you lots of credit for helping a friend----but now you learned that it doesn't pay to help friends. With saying that expect NOTHING when you help friends. EXPECT them to take advantage of you and NOT appreciate what you did for them. If you expect this you will NOT BE LET DOWN. I am not trying to oversimplify this but it it true.
Expect nothing when you do favors from friends or family ...... except trouble. Truly when you understand this........it really will never bother you again.
Relax...give him the CD and appologize to him that you did not get all the shots. Kill him with kindness. Let him be the idiot. You can be the bigger person. And in the end you have less stress because of it. After he has all he wants and asks you to put all the pictures on a DVD slideshow for him......very nicely tell him no.

Thanks for all the suppot and encouragement. I have learned a good lesson.

I ate lots of sugar cereal. I was not eating sugar!

I think one of the things that bugs me the most about this guy is not only did he tell me I didn't get all the pictures they ask for but then later when talking to my friend he told her that he was very rude to me and he will stay on top of me until I give him his pictures/cd.

Aargh!!!! In that case give him nothing

Answer; Look, I did this as a favour & you now want extra this and that. The favour was exactly that & I don't take kindly to your attempts at railroading me into giving you x y z. As the favour was not for you I would suggest that if you want a copy of the images on CD then that will cost you (whatever). I also take exception that "as a favour" you are whinging that I never took all the pictures you wanted. I don't know who in hell you think you are, but let me inform you that you don't have the monopoly on rudeness.
I would also add foad, but that's just me!