Kiwi - GKPE - General Ramblings (4)

There's a thought... <waits for crate with gear to arrive>

Hey Double S - found this one for you:

Brits are so smart...

...right up until they appear in a quiz show on radio or TV. Here's a sample:

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester .

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: - Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: For ?10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.

RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND )
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The...?
Caller: Mohicans.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. . .
Leslie: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er . ...
Leslie: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street ?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific

ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?

JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER?ER ....Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller: Japan
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er .... Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland ?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. .. .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?

THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus

HAHAHA john thats awesome (i am half british - dont care, still hilarious)

heres one for you (and anyone else): is she dumber than a 10-year old?

So am I the only 100% KIWI here. The rest are imports or bitsas. Figures

weka2000 wrote in post #5105075
So am I the only 100% KIWI here. The rest are imports or bitsas. Figures

dude - unless you're Maori (and that's pushing it too), you AREN'T 100% kiwi

well having cleared my desk up today i discovered that 8 in-trays isn't enough, so i went off and got myself 4 more. now i have a tray mountain under my shelf, starting to feel a little bit surrounded - but at least ive got enough room now

weka2000 wrote in post #5105075
So am I the only 100% KIWI here. The rest are imports or bitsas. Figures

Naw, kiwi born and bred here.

Hmmmmm......interestin​g day in here today......

All I will say is that being young doesn't necisarily mean lacking in experience. By the time I was Matts age I had had lots of jobs, sex (no threesomes though :rolleyes, depression, open heart surgery, and had met the girl I wanted to marry (and I'm glad to say I am still happily married to her!)

Having a wife, kids, mortgage and everything else that goes with it sure changes your perspective though.

Everyone is different, with different experiences and view points. It took me a long time to accept that, and acknowledge that what is right for me may not be right for someone else. And the flipside of that is that just because someone expresses an opinion, doesn't mean that I have to except it.

I shall get off my soap box now.

PEACE!

There is no 100% Maori be lucky to find a 1/4. Far as im concerned 4th generation make me 100% New Zealander

weka2000 wrote in post #5105146
There is no 100% Maori be lucky to find a 1/4. Far as i'm concerned 4th generation make me 100% New Zealander

well i'm several generations on one side... what does that count for?

i'm first generation on the other side, and as far as i'm concerned, born here and choosing to live here makes me 100% kiwi too

So seems that most males here spend their youth been rabbits
Some very greedy ...........

Whats with all this depression. Geeze we all comming out. Wonder if now we finally feel we no longer need to be ashame?
Wonder if there is a corolation between that and to much sex

somethingsimple wrote in post #5105095
dude - unless you're Maori (and that's pushing it too), you AREN'T 100% kiwi

parents are born and breed in NZ, I am born and breed here, that makes me 100% KIWI

my ancestors have nothing to do with it.

theflyingkiwi wrote in post #5105223
parents are born and breed in NZ, I am born and breed here, that makes me 100% KIWI

my ancestors have nothing to do with it.

I dont know or care who my ancestors are/were.

one of my grandmothers was the owner and skipper of an auckland fishing trawler... lol she had to skipper it herself because the men she hired "didnt do it properly"
she's been published (along with others) in a book called "The Wind In Her Hair"

the other one moved her children to nz from england by herself and carved out a life for us all here

weka2000 wrote in post #5105246
I dont know or care who my ancestors are/were.

I know that on my fathers side the name cuthbert is traced back to royalty. but we are going back a couple of hundred years here.

As for the remark that you have to Maori to be 100% kiwi is just plan stupid.

theflyingkiwi wrote in post #5105272
I know that on my fathers side the name cuthbert is traced back to royalty. but we are going back a couple of hundred years here.

As for the remark that you have to Maori to be 100% kiwi is just plan stupid.

that wasnt the intent of the remark.
the remark was to point out that if being born here isn't enough to make you a 100% kiwi, then no one is free from the stamp of "import" because it calls ancestry into account
(i personally think being born here IS enough...)