Jesse,
You didnt say anything dumb, we all had questions when we started and a lot of us are still learning. BUT in one sentence you say that you are a complete noob and then go onto to ask about sports and weddings. These are totally different things.( this is my first school year shooting sports and I now shoot multiple sports at 2 schools.) I have started to think about shooting weddings but won't do it until I can act as a second shooter at many weddings over a couple of years. Remember, all it takes is one mistake and your reputation will be ruined before you have one.
Most of use use one of the popular sites to sell our sports photos. IF you do a search here you will find many, I think there is even a sticky about them. I use Exposure Manager and I'm happy with them, as are the people who use Zenfolio. You need to research it to determine which you think is the best for you. Most of the offer printing and direct mailing to your customers. I only do very basic editing before uploading images for display. When a print is ordered I will edit and crop it before uploading it to be printed. You also need to have business cards and when at a game, make sure that you hand them out to the parents. It also helps if the coaches or the people resposnible, will help spread the word about you, provided that you have their approval to be there.
To shoot outdoor sports, you shoud have a minimum of a 70-200 f/2.8 lens and it would help to have a 1.4 EX to go along with it for the daytime. Anything slower than 2.8 and you will have a difficult time at night games or any poor light.
If photography itself is new to you, please get the book Understanding Exposure by Bryan Peterson. It will do a good job of giving you the basics of photography. You can find it at most large bookstores however it is cheaper at Amazon.com
Best of luck