Decisions Decisions!!!

She should definetly consider the grip as well. I always seem to take that for granted since my mkII's is built in and I have one on my 30D.
Those 2 lens choices sound reasonable, especially the 100-400L IS. I have no experience with the 10-22 EF-S myself I use a 24mm 2.8 prime for landscape....or at last NOW I do since I just recently acquired it. Was using the EF-S 17-55 kit lens if I needed anything wider than my 24-135 Sigma. I'm in the process of upgrading my glass now as well.

CrazieCricket - your situation doesn't sound all that different than mine. I'm an average-sized woman (well, I could stand to lose a few pounds ) and have relatively small hands. I purchased the 450D about two months ago and have 4k+ clicks with it. I've got a wide selection of lenses, as my husband has been collecting Canon toys for years.

I chose the 450D because of the size ... I was moving up from a Panasonic FZ-50, and was really turned off by my husband's larger camera bodies - thinking they were too big for me. I really like the 450D, but found that I was using the EF 100-400 L and the EF-S 17-55mm f/2.8 on the camera a lot - mostly on a tripod. I also picked up the EF-S 10-22 f/3.5-4.5 for landscapes. While the larger lenses work fine with the 450D, they do seem a little off balance.

Bottom line -- I realized my decision to go for the 450D, based mostly on size, was the wrong one. I'll be doing lots of birds and some sports, so I've just ordered the 40D.

Note that I still think the 450D is a great choice, and the 18-55 IS and 55-250 IS lenses make a great combo for a good price. But, the 40D is probably the better initial investment if you know you're going to be serious about the hobby. I can't confirm I've made the right choice this time around, as my 40D doesn't arrive until Tuesday. Didn't mean to give you my life story, but was struck by the similarities between our situations. Good Luck with your decision.

thanks shazza and the rest of you for all your input! really has helped. guess I'll be getting a 40d in about a week!

So I've decided on the 40d, now I need to choose between which kit lens to get with it. What do you all think, the EF28-135 IS USM or the EF-S 17-85 IS USM? (and why would you choose one over the other) As I stated earlier I will be getting the EF 100-400L, the EF-S 10-22 and maybe the EF 100 f/2.8macro so need a lens to fill in the gap.

For my own personal preference I'd go with the 28-135. I use a Sigma 24-135 as my walk around general purpose lens. It has a little reach when I need it and the crop on my 1DmkII seems a perfect fit at 24. Your 40D mileage may vary.
If you don't think you'll need or want the extra length and would use it for a general purpose lens I think the 17-85 would suffice.