First off, a few of you are aware I recently had a go-a-round with a critter that resulted in my ending up in a hospital.
Now for those of you who Ellen notified of my accident I want to say thanks for your prayers, for those that don't know what happened well I shot me a 1200+ pound elk bout a week ago. 25 yard shot that I thought was a double lung hit. But snow was coming down pretty good and as I later discovered the arrow actually went right between the lungs clipped the heart an exited just ahead of the right shoulder.
It took me an my partner about an hour to locate the critter piled up in the bottom of a narrow ravine, I gave Verlen my bow, while I went to pose for a picture with the critter. Well, that big old fella wasn't much into having his picture taken be cause when I was bout 5 feet from him he come up off the ground an started arguing with me about it. I tried to get him to look towards the camera by grabbing his antlers and twisting his head around a little, but he didn't care for that either. He forced me to kick his front leg and wrestle him back down to the ground.
Now this has always worked with cows so I didn't see a problem, we were discussing the picture taking idea when my partner gets a little over excited an whacks the elk with MY bow not once but several times (that Indian just ain't never learned you can usually talk anyone into posing for a picture long as you don't whack them with a bow.) Well the elk got mad over being whacked an decided to hook me a couple times with his antler while he pretty much laid on top me.
This forced me to have to remind him of the age old adage "Never take an antler to a gun fight"; o.k. Maybe you folks have never heard that one but it’s very popular amongst us hunters and outdoorsmen.
I yelled at Verlen to stop whacking the elk (and subsequently me) with my favorite bow an get clear, at the same time I reached around myself an got my .357 magnum out of the holster aimed it as well as I could towards the critters head. (try aiming a gun behind your back sometime while laying on that arm its great fun) I fired 4 or 5 shots, well the elk died pretty fast with most of his head shot off, but one of the bullets ricocheted an hit me in the pelvis bounced round to my hip an somehow ended up in my butt. (at least that’s the excuse the doctors gave me for them putting 15 stitches there)
Well after trying to talk the elk into posing for the picture I was pretty tired and decided it was a good time to take a nap., I had the strangest dream of an Indian dragging me behind a horse over every rock an tree he could find while I was napping I know it was a horse cause even on his worse day Verlen ain't never farted as bad as a horse.
The doctors decided they wanted some pictures of me (I don't understand why seeing the elk wasn't in none of the pictures they took.) So they flew me around Oregon looking for a camera to take pictures with. (I could of told them there was a Wal-mart just down the road if they would of just asked) I did notice something suspicious in one of the pictures of my head though, when the doctor turned the picture backwards I could of sworn them weird marks on my head were the letters PSE now this is a very intriguing clue seeing as how my bow has them same letters on it, I will discuss this with Verlen when I'm feeling a little better.
All said an done I got a busted wrist from shooting from a bad angle a few cracked ribs several bite marks 6 or 7 antler holes and 1 bullet hole. The holes account for a grand total of 147 stitches and a major headache, my bow got 2 busted cables a cam was lost als the cams axle mount is all busted up. My favorite .357 just needs cleaning, my elk got mostly ate by critters but Verlen did recover a lot of the meat. He also recovered my antlers.
I do need some tips though about how to best glue the antlers back together. One of the bullets blew off a whole branch, and Verlen busted off many of the tines while field- testing my bow for durability. Now you taxidermist types would know if super glue will work for putting them back together again.
I'm doing alright (got me a bunch of pain pills) I blew the quitting smoking after I got here, since I strongly believe the Elk just didn't want to pose in a picture with a non smoker. This has brought me to another thought. I think I’ve figured out where it is those elk are when we can't see them. They are hiding, having themselves a cigarette. I'm sure of it, so folks instead of the usual deer style blind set you up a cigarette stand an they'll come running, I bet you!
For those who actually read this whole thing I will now reward you with some prime elk wrestling tips:
1. Elk are not impressed with how much martial arts training you’ve had so save your breath.
2. Do not kick an elk in the nose this will anger him.
3. Do not attempt to throw the elk prior to tying, the antlers hurt when they land on you.
4. Do not let a life long recurve hunter use your compound they may become disorientated and confused by the two extra bow strings an revert to cave man tactics of beating the elk with your bow as opposed to shooting it.
5. Elks cheat! They are not above biting.
6. Carry more than one gun (2 ankle holsters, 2 hip guns and 2 shoulder rigs should be sufficient if you don't mind feeing under armed) Use Magsafe ammo it won't ricochet like hollow points will if they hit an antler.
7. This is very important, never, ever shoot yourself in the butt! .
If the above fails a nap is good!
Dick
