Tough Love. You Up To The Task?

I am a police officer and a father of nine children. My oldest will get her license next month. I think you are doing the right thing. Let the punishment fit the crime.

This indignant attitude and belief that, as a juvenile, one holds an equal position to the parent, in the parent/child relationship, would be laughable if it were not so common. Equally so is the belief that these juveniles possess a laundry-list of "rights", apparently bequeathed to them at birth. Beyond basic human rights, the right to provision of basic needs for life, emotional and physical health, etc., juveniles have no rights to speak of. At least in my jurisdiction, juveniles may not own property, sign contracts, obtain medical care, etc., without the written consent of their parent or guardian because they do not have the right to do so. You do not have the right to a car, or a cell phone, or to the latest designer fashion. The rights we enjoy as American citizens are spelled out in our constitution, The Bill of Rights, and in various laws and court decisions. These rights are claimed upon reaching the legal age of emancipation. Until then, what you possess are privileges, which can be revoked.

I am privileged to be able, in the course of my employment, to attempt to educate many such "progressive" juveniles as to the error in their thinking.

Sorry for the rant. Good Job, Dad!

Dr. Jak,

Your daughter is blessed with excellent parents, as evidenced by the many fine qualities you referenced. Kids learn behavior through example.

We know that driving is a privilege that shouldn't be taken lightly. We know that vehicles are potential killing machines when operated without proper care.

Sometimes youth don't grasp those concepts quickly enough, even the smart ones. Having driving privileges suspended for a month or so will help your daughter grow and mature in that category.

Our kids don't just need discipline. They want discipline. It fulfills their need to know that we care about them. When we punish them, they may get angry, but on another level it is a reassurance. It proves we love them.

Sounds about right to me as well.
Jim

That's a good choice, Mark. Use it responsibly or lose it is good.

Education about the reasoning behind the speed limit is also a good idea.

http://www.youtube.com​/watch?v=z-iJ030jrwU

I'd give her a month off and then.....I'd install one of those GPS trackers on the car and check out her driving speeds periodically.

I can't say that I feel your pain...YET! My oldest is 2 1/2, so we have a while before I have to worry about her driving. Athough, I can't say that I would handle the situation any differently. I think you are doing the right thing. Keep it up.

MK

The fact that she paid for her own car potentially complicates matters. However she's still 17 years old and under your supervision and more importantly she needs to understand the responsibilities that comes with operating a motor vehicle. (Obviously, there are too many folks out there who are not aware sadly)

I hope things work out between you and her.

Im 26 and have no kids, but I would add on a driving course too, Which I would pay for, and make her attend.

Have you ever gotten a ticket? Did you stop driving for a month?

I'm not saying you're wrong but punishment should be fair all around. She knows she did wrong, she knows she's disappointed you.

Taking her privileges away for a month will not make you her hero. Explain to her what you feel and how you fear for her safety then ask her what she thinks is fair punishment and let her name the pain. She can't resent what she herself doles out.

Great responses, everyone. I truly appreciate all the advice, both supportive and not.

I will check on all the links provided too. Although she paid for the car, she only paid half. I paid the other half. And I pay the insurance, gas, maintenance, etc.

I'm also going to send her a link to this thread. Hopefully she will read it. I think it's very valuable advice.

Thanks again, and any future participation will be welcome and digested by me.

me

I firmly believe new drivers should get a 'beater' car before they can get one they have shown they are competent to handle... I recommend '78 dodge aspens if you can find any, mine was a tank =)

Mark, I've suffered the same punishment you are wanting to put on your daughter. I learned my lesson. I HATED taking the bus. In your position, I would do the same even having gone through the punishment and remembering how much it sucked. She'll be mad but she'll hopefully learn. Even good kids do stupid things and it's better to teach them that "good behavior" doesn't give them carte blanche to be naughty.

I like to comment before reading anyone else's post.

This is her second ticket in a short period of time, if I'm reading correctly. After the first ticket you basically said, 'no big deal, everyone makes a mistake.' Agree. Live and learn. Child pays his or her own fine and court cost. When it comes on their own dime, they learn the lesson that driving like a knucklehead doesn't pay.

However, since you said absolutely NOTHING about taking away the car if she received another ticket, I personally believe taking the car is pulling the rug out from underneath your otherwise very consciensous daughter.

Kids of all ages understand 'if/then' logic. IF you get another ticket, THEN you lose your vehicle. It puts the ball squarely in their court on what happens next. If you didn't have this discussion with her, taking the car happened a step too soon.

I'm surprised she's not going to lose her license for a 6-month period. Usually moving violations committed by drivers younger than 18 are handled this way by courts in most states. And rightfully so.

I would be MOST concerned about HOW she got the tickets. Can she read a speedometer? Probably so. If so, why was she driving so fast? Was she late to work, school or another activity? Or, (and even worse) was she not paying attention because she was texting her friend or talking on the phone?

dave

Not harsh at all IMO. Does she pay her own insurance, gas etc? If not, make sure she gets the bill for the increased premium.
Does she have a GPS? You can always buy her one - then check the top speed feature in one of the menus once she's back behind the wheel - don't be sneaky about it - tell her you want her tobe safe, this way she can drive, but her speed will be monitored, if it's reset, you'll know - only thing is you won't know if she was doing 55 in a 30 zone
Sounds like a good kid otherwise, she may be one of those completely oblivious to her speed - and that needs to be corrected.
By the way, great professional direction she has chosen! (I'm a small animal surgeon)

DrMitch wrote in post #7198887
Not harsh at all IMO. Does she pay her own insurance, gas etc? If not, make sure she gets the bill for the increased premium.
Does she have a GPS? You can always buy her one - then check the top speed feature in one of the menus once she's back behind the wheel - don't be sneaky about it - tell her you want her tobe safe, this way she can drive, but her speed will be monitored, if it's reset, you'll know - only thing is you won't know if she was doing 55 in a 30 zone
Sounds like a good kid otherwise, she may be one of those completely oblivious to her speed - and that needs to be corrected.
By the way, great professional direction she has chosen! (I'm a small animal surgeon)

You can, however, download the track showing her route and it will give you the mph (as well as the time elapsed and distance driven) for each recorded cycle...

Easy to compare locations to (probable) speed limits in that area.