Very Long!! Need Opinions.

jenirose3 wrote in post #7757045
You are right Limber. I fully admit I started this problem (I went against my number one rule) and I'm kicking myself for it.

There is a 40% chance of rain by 2pm. The party starts at 1pm. There is a 70% of rain starting at 8pm. I won't be lying when I tell her I don't take my equipment out in the rain!! Because I don't take my equipment on in the rain. WOOT WOOT!

Please don't take this wrong, but you're being really weird about this. Just be direct and honest with the person. It's not that hard. If they get irrationally mad at you because you won't work for free, then they get irrationally mad at you. It's not that big of a deal.

You're dealing with this situation like you're 14. You can't run a business if you're not willing to communicate with people like an adult. You aren't saving yourself or your neighbor any grief by lieing to them.

Probably she is saying to herself that this is the last time she is doing it for free...

I also don't like the way how it turned out to be but look at the bright side though. There will be much more people that will like her work and are willing to pay for pictures. If she is going to say NO, the neighbor will talk BS about Jeni and her work and nobody will consider her for future arrangements. Going there is the chance to impress others or remind them what she does...

No, now the other neighbors will love her work and will want it for free too. The cycle will never end.

chakalakasp wrote in post #7759212
Please don't take this wrong, but you're being really weird about this. Just be direct and honest with the person. It's not that hard. If they get irrationally mad at you because you won't work for free, then they get irrationally mad at you. It's not that big of a deal.

You're dealing with this situation like you're 14. You can't run a business if you're not willing to communicate with people like an adult. You aren't saving yourself or your neighbor any grief by lieing to them.

I not being weird. She is extremely pushy and direct AND my neighbor. I have to live next door to her. I really don't relish the thought of socializing with the neighbors on our block including them and having this huge white elephant in the room. I realize it was my fault I started this by agreeing to do the first session for free. But she took from that that I was now her free lifetime photographer. I can't lie so I would be faced with the truth and no matter what I said she would of taken it wrong and it would be blown up.

You can bet it won't ever happen again.


I went to the party. I didn't bring my camera. I really didn't want to lug it around while I tried to enjoy myself as a guest. I told her let me know when the cake shots are about to happen and I would go get my camera. I went to get my camera and her cousin (who has a photography business) pulls out his D700 and steps right in front of me. I was more than happy to step aside. She came up to me later and said she was mad because she just asked him about giving her the pictures and he said "some come out and some don't". I was like oh well. Thankfully that's over.

Thanks so much for everyone's support and advice. I really appreciate this place so much. My non-photographer husband's eyes start to glaze over when I ask him about stuff like this. I really appreciate all of the wisdom and advice here so much!

jenirose3 wrote in post #7762295
I not being weird. She is extremely pushy and direct AND my neighbor. I have to live next door to her. I really don't relish the thought of socializing with the neighbors on our block including them and having this huge white elephant in the room. I realize it was my fault I started this by agreeing to do the first session for free. But she took from that that I was now her free lifetime photographer. I can't lie so I would be faced with the truth and no matter what I said she would of taken it wrong and it would be blown up.

You can bet it won't ever happen again.

I went to the party. I didn't bring my camera. I really didn't want to lug it around while I tried to enjoy myself as a guest. I told her let me know when the cake shots are about to happen and I would go get my camera. I went to get my camera and her cousin (who has a photography business) pulls out his D700 and steps right in front of me. I was more than happy to step aside. She came up to me later and said she was mad because she just asked him about giving her the pictures and he said "some come out and some don't". I was like oh well. Thankfully that's over.

Thanks so much for everyone's support and advice. I really appreciate this place so much. My non-photographer husband's eyes start to glaze over when I ask him about stuff like this. I really appreciate all of the wisdom and advice here so much!

Hi Jeni

Based on everything you have 'reported' about this it does (seeing the above paragraph) look like you worked it as best you could [not withstanding the fact that your angst over this should never have happened ~ but you have been beating yourself enough about the origins of that, so enough said!]

But what I take as the best "news" about the event is her cousin stepping up to the mark before you went and got your camera. IMO the best thing that could have happened......the reason I say that is that for all future questions about your camera and the quality you produce (he gave her the brush off & better form a relative than you ) you will be will be well placed to say "thats how I earn my living and here is my price list........" afterall if she wants a pro she & any other 'neighbours' should expect to pay for it every time. Oh and avoid falling into the trap of taking the P&S and supplying Wal-Mart pics! Why, because that will not be your pro quality and you IMIO should never drop your standards just to be helpful.

Best of luck

jenirose3 wrote in post #7762295
I not being weird. She is extremely pushy and direct AND my neighbor. I have to live next door to her. I really don't relish the thought of socializing with the neighbors on our block including them and having this huge white elephant in the room. I realize it was my fault I started this by agreeing to do the first session for free. But she took from that that I was now her free lifetime photographer. I can't lie so I would be faced with the truth and no matter what I said she would of taken it wrong and it would be blown up.

BECAUSE she is your neighbor you need to be open and honest with her. I don't get people who think they're doing anyone favors by being dishonest with their reasons for not wanting to do something. A lie is a lie is a lie. If you plant your relationship with your neighbor in a soil of lies, it's unlikely to bear much fruit. The people who I really care about are the people who I *most* want to be straightforward and honest with.

You either have to forgive and forget or you have to communicate and resolve. If you do neither, whether out of weakness or out of passive agression, you probably won't like where you end up.

Can you hear yourself trying to talk yourself into believeing something you don't believe? You're revising history. You didn't bring it because you didn't want to take pictures.

You see? This is the problem. You aren't allowing yourself to have a spine. You don't want to do something, you do it anyway but reserve the right to be upset with the person you're doing it for. You are offended by something, you aren't willing to talk to the other person about it, but you reserve the right to remain offended by it. This isn't the way to living a happy life. It's our natural inclination, true -- but I'll say it again: you either have to let things go or try to work them out. Covering the problems up with falsehoods won't get you anywhere.

Ok Ryan I'll let you come here and live next to her for a month and then we'll talk. I'd be willing to bet she'll have you doing something for free for her and you won't even realize it.

The neat thing about living by principles is that they apply to every situation.

I live by principles. Not that I care that you don't think I do. But I also care about people. I thought I was doing something nice. It won't happen again.

jenirose3 wrote in post #7766882
I live by principles. Not that I care that you don't think I do. But I also care about people. I thought I was doing something nice. It won't happen again.

We're kinda going in circles on this one, but I guess I'll just say what I said again -- especially when you care about people, you treat them with honesty. Sometimes this means lovingly telling them difficult things. When you hold back from honesty, make things up, do the things you don't want to do, and continue to harbor angry feelings in your heart (and post about it again and again to an international forum on the internet), you are not being caring, you're being passive-aggressive.

Anyhow, I wish you the best.

Some people just don't like to sound like a dick when they talk to their neighbor face to face. She is living by principles; she was being kind to someone. This isn't about her caving in to the pressure, I am the same way, sometimes you just don't want to seem like a greedy prick who only wants money. I know she has her own business and everything, but that doesn't really change who you are as a person.

I can completely understand how you got yourself into this situation, even though you guided yourself in to this predicament, it really isn't your fault.

Bendel wrote in post #7768715
Some people just don't like to sound like a dick when they talk to their neighbor face to face. She is living by principles; she was being kind to someone. This isn't about her caving in to the pressure, I am the same way, sometimes you just don't want to seem like a greedy prick who only wants money. I know she has her own business and everything, but that doesn't really change who you are as a person.

I can completely understand how you got yourself into this situation, even though you guided yourself in to this predicament, it really isn't your fault.

I'm not advocating that she "sound like a dick". It is possible to be honest and respectful at the same time, even when you're frustrated or upset with someone. I dunno, I tend to be a strong believer in people communicating with each other. When you don't, you end up with situations like this, where one person doesn't realize they're offending the other, and the other turns to an international forum of strangers to vent. Somehow I don't think that's how our grandparents would have handled it.