Thanks for the suggestions so far with this. I had an email back from the lab today:
Our software suite applies the printer profile at the time of printing - and does a conversion to this from whatever profile you have selected. If your file has no profile attached it assumes it's a sRGB (which normally only happens in some album software like JAD from Jorgensun)
The way it works means you should never embed it at your end - that's a bit of a cheat some labs use of they've not got the £30,000+ software system we use - and as we rebuild this often you'd be applying out of date profiles quite quickly....
I've not tried using it for soft proofing - I'll try that here - but on the screens I've looked at the high end onles like the top end dells, eizo, lacie etc all get very close particulary if you supply in sRGB
Printers like the Fuji Prontier and the Noritsu have a printspace not much larger than sRGB
This seems to be a bit at odds with some of the advice... as I say this is a steep learning curve for me! The email went on to suggest that I might have desaturation turned on in photoshop - which was a good theory but I checked and haven't. He also suggested I should check the lighting under which I was viewing the prints. Again, a valid suggestion but I don't think it fully explains the redness as I have noticed this is daylight as well.
I have however tried something which I suspect has no logic but is interesting none the less....
I thought I would bring a second monitor home to try and compare with my Dell. Bear in mind this is a fairly cheap LCD so I wasn't expecting anything too perfect... anyway I plugged this in alongside my other and have them running as an extended desktop. I then used the spyder 3 to calibrate each with its own profile. So far so good... and although the colour of the two monitors aren't the same, given that one is a very cheap one I can see that they are pretty close...
I now open Lightroom with a pic open in the library mode on the Dell screen. If I then slide the who window across to the cheap screen it is a first a little paler, but then once most of the pic is fully onto the cheap screen the colour changes so it is once again a similar tone. I assume here that there is a point at which the computer changes to using the second monitor profile rather than the first and that gives this step change?
If I now move the screen back across to the Dell there is again a brief period (about 0.5 seconds) where the pic is displayed more saturated (the opposite of going the other way). I assume here it is because it is still using the second monitor profile and has to change back to the first again. The interesting part for me is that this brief, more saturated display of the pic almost exactly matches the print in the way this is mains some of the reds which are more saturated!
I'm not suggested that this is the key to what is wrong - I strongly suspect the match is just conincidence, however, if I would love to display like this for a while to investigate if it does indeed match the prints and if using this profile would solve my problem.
I did go into the windows 7 colour management settings and try to selcted the monitor 2 profile to use on the Dell. However, the screen looked awful and nothing like the way the pic was displayed during the 'change' period described above.
So... does anyone know what Lightroom is doing for this brief period between monitor changes and can I emulate it?
This may well lead you to conclude I am completely mad and don't know what I'm talking about, but please humour me and tell your thoughts.... and thanks for the help so far.