Wife wants to hire a photographer - should I be insulted?

Wow! I bet she wouldn't be saying this if you had a 1D series cam and all 'L' lenses.JK!

If this were my wife, I would accommodate her this one time to see what type of shots or poses she likes. I would also take pictures of the children before they went, so I could compare and evaluate my own skills. If mine were 'better', then she might be happy to ask me the next time. If mine fell short, then I would learn from the other images and work on my technique or whatever element I was lacking.

The one thing you can't change is that you are 'Dad', and the kids will behave differently with you than with another photographer who is a stranger to them. He/she might be able to get some unique shots just by that alone. So, don't worry too much about it, you can never have too many pictures of your kids. Hopefully you both do a beautiful job with differing techniques so you can fill your albums with some nice images. The kids grow up way too fast, and this will be a nice way of memorializing them at their present ages.

In short, don't let this get you down, be confident in your ability to photograph and accept that their are others who have different abilities that might show a different side of the children. Just make sure you charge your wife for the pics you take too!

I love taking my kid to another photographer for a couple reasons. 1) I get to be in the pictures too. 2) Finally! Someone else to take some pressure off me! And finally 3) I can learn from it too. Our photographer has taught me so much in the sessions we have had with her. We have developed a friendship over the course of a few sessions, and now I can ask her for questions and advice, and she's really helped me grow. I wish I could take the kinds of pictures that she does, but I can't... yet. Until then, and hell, even then, we'll be hiring her.

bric-a-brac wrote in post #9419147
maybe it's just a matter of what the studio can offer, rather than the photographer. I mean, perhaps your wife wants some specific backdrops, or she's aware of some sets/prop items the studio has that aren't readily available at the house or easily acquired. Maybe they have some specific tricks up their sleeves that get the kids doing some pretty unique and cute things.

In short, the things your wife might want in a photograph of your children may have less to do with the technical quality of a photograph and more to do with where they're photographed and how they're interacted with.

You've hit it on the head. We have a small house and so it is difficult to do the studio type shots and the photographer she want to visit has lots of spiffy props, etc, that we do not.

And I know it is a bit ego-centric, but I want MY pictures displayed in my house. Plain and simple. I like it when family and friends come over and say "you shot that?!" Does that make me a bad person?

Use it as a learning experience go along to the shoot ask questions and look and learn get a free tutorial included for the price

I would take it a little insult. But after a while, i'll start to realize that sometimes when another person is taking the pictures at a studio or something. He/she usually have better equipment and setting that will cost you a fortune (money, time to set up/clean up, space, ideas), and usually that makes a good difference at times. Having another person take it sometimes may be is a good thing that you can save a lot of time and effort. And if somehow pictures doesn't come out so well, or something, you have someone to blame rather than take it all onto yourself.

So cheers!

My mrs wouldn't dare...

LuckyStar08 wrote in post #9419298
I think everyone is being really diplomatic about this. If it was me, I'd be insulted and ticked off. My husband is my biggest fan & greatest supporter, from day one. He would never dream of having anyone else do his pictures, or our children's pictures. Good, bad, or ugly...I'm the family photographer. Besides, they are your kids and if your first shoot doesn't work out, do it again, and again. My children & husband were my first clients, and I practice on them all the time. (whether they like it or not) Good luck.

Yes but you're a woman; that argument doesn't work as well for the man. Here's how it works:

Wife: I want to be the photographer to take the photos of us and our children.
Any sensible man prioritizes peace and happiness over being right, so his answer is "Yes, dear."

Now we have the OP's situation...

Wife: I'm going to take our children to a professional photographer.
Again, sensible man...the only choice that will bring happiness is, "Yes, dear."

I am stereotyping. I am exaggerating...but only a little. Some families have communication of opinions where the husband's opinions actually have relevance and a chance of swaying his wife's decision without causing ill feeling, and of course there are the christian families where the man has final say about everything...but by and large, when the wife isn't happy, nobody's happy; and when the wife doesn't get what she wants, she's not happy.

form wrote in post #9419556
but by and large, when the wife isn't happy, nobody's happy; and when the wife doesn't get what she wants, she's not happy.

A happy wife is a happy home.

tkbslc wrote in post #9419510
You've hit it on the head. We have a small house and so it is difficult to do the studio type shots and the photographer she want to visit has lots of spiffy props, etc, that we do not.

And I know it is a bit ego-centric, but I want MY pictures displayed in my house. Plain and simple. I like it when family and friends come over and say "you shot that?!" Does that make me a bad person?

Not a bad person, but if you let that desire supercede having a better finished product for your family, then it does make you a selfish person with low self esteem issues. There are far too many insecure people out there who like forcing their will on others, and many of them thrust their insecurities on their families and end up even more unhappy because they "won" an extremely shallow game that they were the only person playing. It's a dysfunctional situation.

Wait until you're doing better work and have something genuinely worth bragging about; until then, you shouldn't feel a need to have bragging rights, because the only thing you'll be able to genuinely brag about is how you forced everyone to settle for you.

Feel hurt if you must, and even offended if you can't help it, but focus that energy on self improvement instead of towards bending others to your will.

form wrote in post #9419579
Not a bad person, but if you let that desire supercede having a better finished product for your family, then it does make you a selfish person with low self esteem issues. There are far too many insecure people out there who like forcing their will on others, and many of them thrust their insecurities on their families and end up even more unhappy because they "won" an extremely shallow game that they were the only person playing. It's a dysfunctional situation.

Wait until you're doing better work and have something genuinely worth bragging about; until then, you shouldn't feel a need to have bragging rights, because the only thing you'll be able to genuinely brag about is how you forced everyone to settle for you.

Feel hurt if you must, and even offended if you can't help it, but focus that energy on self improvement instead of towards bending others to your will.

Thanks for the multiple burns.

I am sure everyone who buys your wedding photos feel forced to settle because that is all they could afford? Clearly you aren't the best photographer on the planet, right?

Come on, don't be a weiner....It's time to Man Up, apologize profusely for being so stingy with equipment in the past, and tell your wifey that you know you can take much better pictures of the kids right after you buy a $1500 Gitzo tripod with a Really Right Stuff ballhead to hold up the new 70-200 f/2.8 IS MK II or the 35L you have been lusting after.....

"Just another thought" and my feelings would be very hurt. But when you are shooting the kids or family do you ask her opinion or let her have any imput?? You may be like, don't tell me how to do it, "I am the photog" if this is the case. She knows that she can tell the photographer what she wants. Think about it.She has an opinion and she should have an imput on what she likes." I'm just saying"

Do you actually have any of your own photographs printed, framed, and hung on your walls?

Shame on you if you still have any available wall space your wife wants filled.

tkbslc wrote in post #9419828
Thanks for the multiple burns.

I am sure everyone who buys your wedding photos feel forced to settle because that is all they could afford? Clearly you aren't the best photographer on the planet, right?

No, but everyone who hires me does so not because I forced them to, but because they were willing to accept what I offered. I don't tell them, "pick me because I'm the best!" And I don't tell them, "Don't pick the other one who's better than me because they're more expensive!"

People may "settle" for me, but those people have placed a certain level of priority on the photos and everyone involved is satisfied with that - my clients and myself.

Also, they are not my family.

And, they don't tell me, "We want to go to the other professional photographer because he does a better job," at which point I then argue and whine and get upset and throw a tantrum screaming, "The photos on your mantle should be MINE!" That would be completely unprofessional and I would look bad.

I don't think it's a similar situation. A situation more like yours would be my girlfriend and her daughter wanting to hire another photographer to do the daughter's wedding photos instead of me; I would immediately have suggestions for that, based on whatever they are willing to pay. I enjoy the opportunity to not be top gun, because all the stress of getting everything right goes to someone else instead of me.

tkbslc wrote in post #9419054
But I don't do this for money. If my family isn't going to use my shots, nobody is. So I can't help but feel a bit discouraged.

don't be. If you can admit that his pics are good then let it be that way. For me it would be a wake up call to mobilize myself to do better. but thats just me. Unless there is some situation in your family that you re not telling us, I don't think she meant wrong. You can always ask her ... lol ... she's your wife.