Wife wants to hire a photographer - should I be insulted?

tkbslc wrote in post #9419024
So this morning my wife said she wanted to get some pictures of my girls done at a local professional photographer that specializes in kids photography. Now while I freely admit the photographer she wants to hire is a much better photographer than I am, I can't help but take this as a slap in the face. I try pretty hard to get good shots of my girls and that is mostly what I got my SLR kit for. Now it seems like what's the point if she just wants to pay someone else for the frame-worthy shots.

Am I just being a boob, or how would you take this?

Express to her how you feel. Then see how she reacts when you tell her you've got a photo shoot with an attractive young lady who want's you to shoot some very erotic nude photographs for her.

form wrote in post #9420063
Also, they are not my family.

Looks like you got the point and then decided to skip over it.

You're right - your clients are not your family and you're in a position where you can afford a great deal of detachment from the issue, and equating your girlfriend to family only adds insult to injury. You're misapplying those parameters to a guy and his family.

You've made a massive conceptual leap in concluding that tkbslc has self-esteem issues and insecurity. It's pretty clear that what's important to tkbslc is that personal element, notwithstanding the technical differences in the photos he takes compared to those of the paid photographer, and the aspersions you cast upon him have come from way out in the left field.

I'm on the fence of whether tkbslc should be insulted by his wife, but if I were him I'd sure be insulted by you. I'd suggest that you stick with photography and leave the head-shrinking to the professionals.

tkbslc wrote in post #9419024
So this morning my wife said she wanted to get some pictures of my girls done at a local professional photographer that specializes in kids photography. Now while I freely admit the photographer she wants to hire is a much better photographer than I am, I can't help but take this as a slap in the face. I try pretty hard to get good shots of my girls and that is mostly what I got my SLR kit for. Now it seems like what's the point if she just wants to pay someone else for the frame-worthy shots.

Am I just being a boob, or how would you take this?

Given the personal nature of the subject (i.e. your kids), you'd be less than human if you didn't feel sidelined by your wife's decision. Just to clarify, though, do you feel disappointed rather than insulted?

Most of the other guys on this thread are on the right track of being solution-focused rather than problem-focused - it is, after all, a great opportunity to pick up tips to improve your own skills. That said, it's healthy to acknowledge how you feel about it and maybe talk about it with the missus - she may not have realised the implications of what she's said.

form wrote in post #9419556
Yes but you're a woman; that argument doesn't work as well for the man. Here's how it works:

Wife: I want to be the photographer to take the photos of us and our children.
Any sensible man prioritizes peace and happiness over being right, so his answer is "Yes, dear."

Now we have the OP's situation...

Wife: I'm going to take our children to a professional photographer.
Again, sensible man...the only choice that will bring happiness is, "Yes, dear."

I am stereotyping. I am exaggerating...but only a little. Some families have communication of opinions where the husband's opinions actually have relevance and a chance of swaying his wife's decision without causing ill feeling, and of course there are the christian families where the man has final say about everything...but by and large, when the wife isn't happy, nobody's happy; and when the wife doesn't get what she wants, she's not happy.

I can see your point. However, my point is that your spouse should be your biggest fan & believe in you.

Ask he what it is that she feels she'll get from the pro that you can't do. See what it is she's after, maybe you can do it. I looked at your Zenfolio page and you have some really great shots.

It's a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I'd be a little bit insulted. It implies lack of confidence.

On the other hand, I'd be a bit relieved... if she doesn't like them I can honestly, "I didn't do it.".

I wouldn't feel bad. We did something similar, but it was photos of the whole family (including me) and we discussed it beforehand. If I had access to a studio and more equipment, I may have had similar results but it would've taken a lot more time and created more stress. For now, I'm happy taking the candid family photos and some posed group shots and letting someone else take the studio photos. I learned a few things from the studio session which has helped me get better too.

Gedanken wrote in post #9420179
Looks like you got the point and then decided to skip over it.

You're right - your clients are not your family and you're in a position where you can afford a great deal of detachment from the issue, and equating your girlfriend to family only adds insult to injury. You're misapplying those parameters to a guy and his family.

You've made a massive conceptual leap in concluding that tkbslc has self-esteem issues and insecurity. It's pretty clear that what's important to tkbslc is that personal element, notwithstanding the technical differences in the photos he takes compared to those of the paid photographer, and the aspersions you cast upon him have come from way out in the left field.

I'm on the fence of whether tkbslc should be insulted by his wife, but if I were him I'd sure be insulted by you. I'd suggest that you stick with photography and leave the head-shrinking to the professionals.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years, which is longer than some marriages last. I don't think it's as different as you claim, except that her daughter isn't mine.

My conceptual leap applies if the OP acts in an irrational, self-serving manner in this situation. So long as he ignores the urges and makes an appropriate and mature decision, he's doing the right thing.

A person's desire to have photos he took of his family on the wall should not supercede his wife's preference to have them done professionally if all parties agree that the professional will do a better job and that's what the wife wants. Any forcing of one's own desires in that situation explicitly shows a regard for his own wants above and beyond those of his wife, which devalues his wife's opinion and places himself above her. That's a pattern of someone who needs reassurance and acknowledgement of self worth because they are not satisfied or comfortable with themselves as they are. It's a controlling behavior.

If he wants to feel hurt, so be it. If he wants to discuss it with his wife, that's fair. If in the end she still prefers the professional, that's what should be done. If his feelings are hurt and offended, then he had better improve his skill so he can give better photos and thus get picked over the professional in the future.

It's really childish to cop an attitude when your wife wants to have professional pictures done, just because you bought an expensive camera and lenses with the express idea of doing that all yourself. Being good enough to be the one she picks in the future should be the satisfying part, and it's a much better goal than "they should be MY photos on the wall."

Guapo wrote in post #9420451
Ask he what it is that she feels she'll get from the pro that you can't do. See what it is she's after, maybe you can do it. I looked at your Zenfolio page and you have some really great shots.

Thanks.

I talked to her a bit more, and honestly what she is after is props and studio backgrounds. And she likes the fancy fancy ones. Stuff I would never have the money to buy a complete set of and we don't really have studio space.

Here's the photographer's blog:

http://peekaboophotos.​blogspot.com/

She likes all the damask backgrounds and the cutesy props and hats, etc.

form wrote in post #9420970
My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years, which is longer than some marriages last. I don't think it's as different as you claim, except that her daughter isn't mine.

Have you seen the guy's photos, in particular noting how old his daughters are? I dare say he's been together with his wife for a lot longer than you've been with your girlfriend, so why bring "some marriages" into this?

Second, your girlfriend's daughter isn't your kid. Totally inappropriate to pretend to know where the guy's coming from.

form wrote in post #9420970
My conceptual leap applies if the OP acts in an irrational, self-serving manner in this situation. So long as he ignores the urges and makes an appropriate and mature decision, he's doing the right thing.

Has he acted in such a manner? Again, totally inappropriate.

form wrote in post #9420970
A person's desire to have photos he took of his family on the wall should not supercede his wife's preference to have them done professionally if all parties agree that the professional will do a better job and that's what the wife wants. Any forcing of one's own desires in that situation explicitly shows a regard for his own wants above and beyond those of his wife, which devalues his wife's opinion and places himself above her. That's a pattern of someone who needs reassurance and acknowledgement of self worth because they are not satisfied or comfortable with themselves as they are. It's a controlling behavior

Has he demanded that his wife not hire the professional photographer? Third count of being inappropriate.

form wrote in post #9420970
If he wants to feel hurt, so be it. If he wants to discuss it with his wife, that's fair. If in the end she still prefers the professional, that's what should be done. If his feelings are hurt and offended, then he had better improve his skill so he can give better photos and thus get picked over the professional in the future.

Which is precisely what most other people on this thread have said, without claiming that the guy has self-esteem issues. What need was there to bring it up?

form wrote in post #9420970
It's really childish to cop an attitude when your wife wants to have professional pictures done, just because you bought an expensive camera and lenses with the express idea of doing that all yourself. Being good enough to be the one she picks in the future should be the satisfying part, and it's a much better goal than "they should be MY photos on the wall."

Have you seen the guy's photos? This isn't some equipment junkie who shoots in the green box, so characterising it as "just because you bought an expensive camera and lenses" is not only patently unfair, it's downright rude.

The guy's asking if it's normal for him to feel the way he does - I don't see any reason for suggesting that he's selfish, childish or has self-esteem issues.

tkbslc wrote in post #9421085
Thanks.

I talked to her a bit more, and honestly what she is after is props and studio backgrounds. And she likes the fancy fancy ones. Stuff I would never have the money to buy a complete set of and we don't really have studio space.

Here's the photographer's blog:

http://peekaboophotos.​blogspot.com/

She likes all the damask backgrounds and the cutesy props and hats, etc.

those shots are nice on the site...if it were me though, i'd just think of what i could add to my kit with that $300...maybe i'm just a cheap bastard...also i'm single so a different way of thinking

also is that the way to pose babies...i dunno looks weird to me...i plan on taking some shots of my new niece, but i would never think to pose her like they've got on that site...

The photographer the wife wants to take the kids to provides a quality, consistent product if their blog is true to what they do for clients. Besides having the props, they also know how to use them, and pose the kids, and light everything nicely, and retouch the photos to make them look like a quality finished product. Does the OP want to do all that, and does he know how?

That's why professionals exist.

Gedanken wrote in post #9421132
The guy's asking if it's normal for him to feel the way he does - I don't see any reason for suggesting that he's selfish, childish or has self-esteem issues.

Thanks for defending me!

form wrote in post #9421272
The photographer the wife wants to take the kids to provides a quality, consistent product if their blog is true to what they do for clients. Besides having the props, they also know how to use them, and pose the kids, and light everything nicely, and retouch the photos to make them look like a quality finished product. Does the OP want to do all that, and does he know how?

I agree, she is an awesome photographer. But I don't think I suck by any means, though, and we have some pretty good pictures on our walls that I have taken.

form wrote in post #9421272
The photographer the wife wants to take the kids to provides a quality, consistent product if their blog is true to what they do for clients. Besides having the props, they also know how to use them, and pose the kids, and light everything nicely, and retouch the photos to make them look like a quality finished product. Does the OP want to do all that, and does he know how?

That's why professionals exist.

So be it. Should amateur psychoanalysis be part of the services that professionals offer, or is insulting non-professionals one of those extras they should throw in for free?

tkbslc wrote in post #9421301
Thanks for defending me!

No sweat, mate. What the guy said just wasn't right.