First attempt at OCF

some post in aperture 3, I liked the vintage look

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I would highly recommend that you keep the original. The PP'ed version isn't really special enough to look "vintage"...to my eye, it looks more flat and/or underexposed. (I also honestly don't understand why people are so consumed with "vintage" looking photos...today's photos, as they are, will look "vintage" in 50 years, too. But that's an artistic debate.)

As for this picture, with OCF, the lighting looks just a tad hot, and a little too even for off-camera flash. It looks very straight on. Maybe move the flash further to camera left, and adjust power for a more dramatic effect.

You might also want to check your speed sync settings - looks like a shutter curtain at the bottom of the image.