Where did I go wrong?

For a bokeh competition on another forum I've been trying to come up with shots where the bokeh is essential to the picture rather than just a nice background. Conceptually I thought the blur of bokeh might work well for a hungover, got up late sort of shot. In my mind I liked it, afterwards, disappointed... This is a lomo effect version of one of the better shots. What could I have done better do you reckon, or is the concept flawed?

IMAGE LINK: http://www.flickr.com/​photos/jj_glos/4559804​681/

I like the concept but I personally would have like to see the phone/clock in focus IMHO . As it is, is seems distracting.

Different processing, phone is more in focus. Did you mean in focus or out of focus?

IMAGE LINK: http://www.flickr.com/​photos/jj_glos/4563353​736/

I would re do this one.the DOf is just too blurred.

They're both at f1.8 to maximise the out of focus (bokeh). The DoF is very thin and towards the end of the finger on both. Stopping down brings more into focus but I won't get the blurred background. Ho hum.

I know what the intent was, but the background blur is just too blurred to use as a reference to the subject, that would be the hangover.something needs to be a tad clearer?

Yeah I know what you mean. I did try more in focus but didn't get the blurry eyed look I was hoping for. I think this was beyond me!

IMAGE LINK: http://www.flickr.com/​photos/jj_glos/4563625​338/

IMAGE LINK: http://www.flickr.com/​photos/jj_glos/4562995​417/

pelooyen wrote in post #10088028
I like the concept but I personally would have like to see the phone/clock in focus IMHO . As it is, is seems distracting.

agreed
I also really like the processing though it feels more like a late night before bed than an early morning hangover

in the very first post, the bright light from the phone really capture my attention, but it is OOF, then I have to search for the the thing in focus, which later i found is the finger. I actually don't see the background are beer cans, so the late night drunk theme is not really apparent to me.

So i guess, somehow bring the hand in more, and get both phone's clock and finger having correct focus(may be increase aperture will work), may be light up the finger somehow too to emphasize it being the subject. I like the concept though...

IMO, something needs to be in focus that enforces the "hungover-day-after" theme. Then some additional elements can be made out in the background that is OOF.

jj_glos wrote in post #10089348
Yeah I know what you mean. I did try more in focus but didn't get the blurry eyed look I was hoping for. I think this was beyond me!

IMAGE LINK: http://www.flickr.com/​photos/jj_glos/4563625​338/

IMAGE LINK: http://www.flickr.com/​photos/jj_glos/4562995​417/

I like the 2nd one in this.

Maybe try the same colour processing that you used for the first one, but with that amount of dof?
Or perhaps bump up the contrast + tone down the saturation a little, might give a hangover/headache feel?

Or you could make it all within a giant eye-shaped border? Ie. crop an arc at the top + bottom?

Just throwing around ideas, I love the photo btw.

I like the concept. Maybe crush the cans a little. Knock over another one, but at a different angle. Full ashtray. Make me smell the stale beer.

I'd also switch to a big nasty loud looking alarm clock. Make it 5:00 a.m. too.

What you've done is cool though.

Cheers all, thanks for your comments

And that's cider, not beer? Who drinks that ****?

Nectar of the Gods!!!