This is in reply to Chet's/Chris' earlier posts in re: his father's comment. It's out of my usual boundaries for posts, so, if you're not interested, skip this. Act like I never said anything at all.
I'm writing this here instead of sending Chet a PM simply because it's something many of us deal with when it comes to our parents. I'm not saying that I'm the last word on the subject or that I'm an expert on this stuff; I'm not. But I, and many of you, seem to have similar experiences in life. I'll just share mine.
For many of us, "Dad" was the ultimate hero in our lives. For me, it was. He was Superman, Batman, Lone Ranger, Einstein, and the strongest man alive all rolled into one. I was that kid that would be on the playground and tell all the other kids that my dad was better than their dads, combined. Times infinity. And I meant it. I was, and am, a serious Dad fanboy.
Everything he did was amazing. The way he wrote, the way he fished, the way he let that Lucky Strike unfiltered just sort of hang off of his bottom lip. Whatever Dad did, it was incredible.
Grandpa was like that, too. Bigger than life. Seriously. Greek mythology level stuff, like Zeus had to ask permission from Grandpa before Big Z let loose with just one lightening bolt.
When Grandpa died, I was crushed, but there was still Dad, who took on some of the Grandpa mantle and carried on with his life as a superhero.
I still remember when I came home with a question from school, some inane Trig question that I wasn't getting and Dad said, and I quote, "I don't know." My stepmom, who's a math whiz, came to my rescue, but I was stunned.
Dad didn't know. I mean, He. Didn't. Know.
He was human. His armor wasn't impervious. He had a Kryptonite.
As I grew older, of course, I began to see Dad less as a God-like persona, but he always maintained that Superhero status.
I know that's not the way it is for everyone. Some people have rotten dads. Cruel, abusive, and/or distant or even non existent. I've always been amazed, however, with the amount of guys that I know that have rotten dads that still have that Superhero mentality with them.
This went on, well, forever, I guess. People who are smarter than me will be able to give the right psychological names for whatever this is, but, as a boy growing up, Dad is the epitome of "Man". He is that Golden Standard by which all other males are judged.
No, really. It's automatic. If I see someone smart, funny, strong, steady, I compare that person to Dad's impeccable levels of smartness, funniness, strong-ness, steadiness, aaaand they usually fell short. It's almost a given. You v. Dad, and Dad wins. Nothing personal, it's just that you cannot compare to Dad.
Yeah, I know, "Awww, Dan loves his Daddy." (or, "Ewww, the guy's flippin' obsessed") The problem with this is that all men are compared to Dad. All males.
Including myself.
And I could never measure up. How can a goofy guy like me measure up to Zeus? Superman? Incredible Hulk? I couldn't. I could never measure measure up to that IDEAL of Dadism.
He wasn't pleased with my career path. NOT pleased. He never understood my desire to be a pastor. Many of my decisions were anathema to him. I took risks that he KNEW were going to end in tears (and many did). I lived with the understanding that I never measured up to that Dad Standard.
This issue, really, is that Dad was never like Superman. Or Zeus. Or even Aquaman. He was a guy, working hard to keep the bills paid, raising two whacked out kids and trying to have some fun hobby on the side to keep himself sane. Just like me.
Dad, all in all, was a man. Like you, like me. He had good points, and bad points. Flaws, chinks, quirks, all that.
He. Wasn't. Perfect. No matter how hard I believed him to be.
He's been dead now for 5 years. I think back to all those years when I didn't want to interact with him because of all the things I wasn't.
Never realizing that, all the while, I was sacrificing all the things that I was.
I was his son. Yes, he never understood my course, but he did love me. I could've been a friend. I could've called more. I could've made more of an effort to visit.
The fact of the matter was, he, being just a guy like me, he had his opinions of me, just like any one else. I wish I had toned down that Dad Hero Worship gene in me earlier in my life, while he was still here.
I regret missing out on all the love and friendship because I was so busy worrying about "honor" and "respect", the latter being the least important things in life.
There, now you all know more about me than you ever wanted to know.
I'm not demeaning your pain, Chris. I KNOW it hurts. I don't know why your dad said those things, or if he meant to crush you or if he was just voicing an opinion. It's possible that your dad is very set in his ways when it comes to photography, which happens very often. I bet if I was a fisherman, Dad wouldn't like the way I was doing it if I did it differently than him.
Perhaps, if you cannot see eye to eye in regards to photography, shelve it. Just not going to happen. Find something else the two of you can connect over if you can. Treat him, respectfully, as a man. He may, or may not, do the same in return. That's the most you can do.
You know, this just must be how men are. I'm sure in his heart, like in mine he WANTS me to be more successful than he was/is. And maybe to him, photography is a JOB albeit one he loves. Probably why he never shared it with me.
When I turned 40 three years ago, he bought me my 1st DSLR, and a year later gave me his no longer used 20D. He did give me the 20D because he realized my passion for learning how to shoot a picture. Since than I have tried to "impress" him with my mad skills. But have only really ever gotten a "That's nice" if that. I do have to admit, I feel I do better with portrait then he does. He can shoot a static image to perfection and capture it's raw emotion.
As you have said WE hold our fathers on a pretty high pedestal. He knows I'm always there for him, and I am. But I'm still always trying to get the awe factor from him. I never thought he pushed any of his kids into any direction as kids. Neither of my parents did, so I was left without direction after H.S. I have yet to go to college as I'm still trying to find my true vocation.
Now as a dad, I hope to make my children better then I was. Hopefully I can find their talents early and nudge them gently into the right life path. I am much more worried to raise my son then I was ever afraid of raising my daughter. A man has to be someone, be the ROCK of his own life. I just hope to God I don't screw him up.
Today I honestly felt the LOVE we have here. I've been in the dumps for a bit because of his words. I appreciate every response, suggestion, thoughtful word and encouragement you have all shared.
I am tearfully thankful to you all!
So I asked and Tif explained it to me. 
