Taking a shot at night time portraiture

with a slightly artistic flair and moderate story line. Mods and long timers where does an image like this fit in this forum? People? Portrait? Experimental? Glamor? Helping a friends daughter out the next few months. She wants to become a model and I can't wait to work with her in a real studio.

Post your critique. Does the image work? Thanks in advance. Joe

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Like it! The background thing on the right, the pole shadow on the right, and the pen(?) in her hand could be removed IMHO.

I've seen shots like this in Glamour & Nude. Fashion would be more appropriate, but there is no forum for fashion.

I'm curious as to why you called this a night shot. It doesn't look like night. It looks like it was taken in harsh mid-day light, although I admit it does look like the light source is to the side.

Joe the color might be a tad over corrected to daylight but the light source is some form of tungsten from a bank parking lot.

There are clues of a relationship between the pen, the housekeeper ad with all the numbers missing, the costume (an enticingly dressed house cleaner no one would refuse!) and the phone booth with no phone but hey who's keeping tracking of such matters.

I had a feeling you were trying to convey a story. But the pen etc. do not stand out enough for my immediate recognition - Reminds me of complex old masters which tell very convoluted storeys using some very innocuous items - however these were expected to be contemplated for very long periods of time and I am afraid everything these days has to give the message very quickly, even if the viewer is drawn in.

Martin Dixon wrote in post #11001412
I had a feeling you were trying to convey a story. But the pen etc. do not stand out enough for my immediate recognition - Reminds me of complex old masters which tell very convoluted storeys using some very innocuous items - however these were expected to be contemplated for very long periods of time and I am afraid everything these days has to give the message very quickly, even if the viewer is drawn in.

You mean semi old farts who weren't policing every detail before capture and fabricated a story around the items they forgot to police? Guilty as charged! Not much of a story because the elements are not as obvious as they could be but considering I had next to nothing several minutes earlier it was a step up in visual intrigue.

@ Martin
I think you can tell very convoluted storeys, but the image needs to be super 'good' to be able to pull it off, because it needs to hold peoples attention long enough for them to get it, but also needs to be pleasing for the few people that don't get it. I for one love to read into things, but only if it's a challenge, i.e. I don't like to be spoon fed.

@ Op

Below is my honest criticism, which I acknowledge is allot easier for me to sit here and tell you how I would do it, rather than actually doing it, so please don't take offence.

First the technical aspects:
a) Light is too hard.

b) Little emotional connection as no eye contact or a powerful expression.

c) Outfit isn't cute enough and doesn't do your model justice.

d) Too high ISO, I can see some grain, I would have used a slower shutter speed to pick up the ambient and let the flash freeze the subject, and maybe used some accent lights or better yet just done the shoot a little earlier in the day/evening maybe about 6:30 pm or earlier?

e) Background isn't the best, which means there is a little too much depth of field even at F1.8, did you crop quite a large portion of the image and were you quite far from the subject?

Below is what I think may work better in my Opinion.

a) First and foremost make your friends daughter look AMAZING, if she wants to be a model, an obvious story line won't help her. To do this get her glam'd up in her best clothes and makeup and REALLY show her off.

b) Spend some time thinking about where and how you are going to light her to show YOUR skills off.

c) If you can do the above and have plenty of time then throw in a story as well if you like, as a way of giving the image an edge.
For example you could have shot her (looking hot in her best gear) snapping a feather duster, throwing an apron at the camera, or stamping/standing on her old maids uniform in a flattering pose, which signifies the end of an old carrier and the start of a new one.

But like I said it's easy for me to sit here and say you could have done this and that, but I know it's a totally different ball game when your doing it for real. Anyway my final advice is "fail to prepare, prepare to fail".

Regards

Rhys

All good critique Rhys and Martin ... This was a test shot session that failed at one set and this image was a quickie on the way home. I wanted to get some rough ideas. This definitely needs to go to the next level. This is the first of several sessions and with the help of a friend who is pro I plan on getting some tutorial as I go. Also I can't do these sessions any longer without real light or an assistant. I am pleasantly unsatisfied with high ISO images.