Looking at the glorious automotive happiness documented in the "Fastest Car..." thread, I felt pity on all the poor schmucks with slow beaters who maybe felt too ashamed or outclassed to post photos/stories of their rides in the other thread. Well, this threads for you! Turn your shame into pride here...and the person with the biggest pile of automotive FAIL wins!
My Slowest Car Ever:
I am calling my mom to see about a photo of my old first car...hopefully she still has a polaroid lying around of it. It was sweet...it was freedom...it was SLOW! My first ride back in '91 was a light blue 1966 Ford Mustang w/ a 200 cube straight-6 and a 3-speed (ford C4) auto transmission. It sported factory leaf springs (you might have them on your truck or trailer nowadays) and 9" drum brakes. The engine made a whopping 120hp (gross, not SAE net!) and drank life through a 1-barrel venturi carb. It was a hand-me-down from my brother (he's 2-1/2 years older than me) and he had run it into the ground. The one sweet feature it had was an FM radio and a cassette player (usually harboring some of Bon Jovi's better work). The brakes and steering were unpowered. There was no A/C and the heater was a complete joke. The steering was handled via a recirculating ball (also popular in solid front axle trucks) setup with a 15" diameter steering wheel that took like 4 turns to go from extreme left to extreme right. It was lighter-than-usual-blue in color, because my moron brother chose to clean it, wax it and then NOT remove the wax for nearly 24 hours...the Texas summer sun handled the rest. The car was basically bleached from the experience.
I was with my brother the night he broke 100mph in it. It never ran the same again. The #4 cylinder leaked oil like crazy. I needed to constantly check the oil level and top it off. Once every two weeks I would need to take the #4 spark plug out and sand-blast and re-gap it because of the oil leakage gumming it solid, creating a non-firing #4 cylinder. The speedo went to 140mph, but who are we kidding!? With 5.5" wide wheels, stock shocks and leaf springs, the thing handled like a shopping cart at normal speeds. Above 60, you were testing your luck to turn the wheel at all. Occasionally, when I would make sharp right turns, my right rear hub cap (with the fake spinner look...so cool!...in 1966) would fly into the nearest available ditch. I would then pull over and walk back to reclaim my property while all those at the intersection stared. I feared the highway. Acceleration was a serious weak point above 40mph. It took 4-5 seconds from 40-50...another 10 seconds from 50-60. It really sounded ready to explode over 65 (the 3-speed topped at a 1:1 ratio...no overdrive here, folks), so I avoided major highways or stayed in the right-most lane.
I spent most weekends repairing/maintenencing my mustang. We had a hydraulic lift in the back yard and a lot of pneumatic tools and spare parts, so there was plenty of opportunity to keep the car alive. I remember getting new brakes (not just shoes, the actual brake drums too) for my 17th birthday. It was a happy moment. It meant my car might have some hope of stopping in a reasonable distance again. Before the replacement, I would literally stand (both feet) on the brake pedal to come to a stop in an emergency. After the brake job me and my dad did, I remember two-foot stopping and the tires all locking up and sliding. That seemed like an improvement. No more blaming the brakes...now I could blame the tires!
All in all, I had the car only two years before replacing it at graduation with a '94 Mustang. I still miss that li'l piece of crap '66. I've had a lot of different cars, usually buying/selling them every 1-2 years. Since the '66 Mustang, I've had 12 other cars, some fast, some utilitarian, but I had so many fond memories of the slowest car I have ever owned. I hope there are still some '66s around (that haven't totally rusted out) in 5-10 years. I really want to own one again in the future.
I'll try and get a photo and scan it in and post it here later if my mom can find one.
Feel free to share your story and photo(s)...doesn't have to be a car you love, just the slowest one you've ever owned!