Would appreciate some help with copy related to my services

So I've been doing this full time for about eight months now. I want to go from keeping my head above water to actually making some money and being able to save, expand, buy new gear, afford a better apartment, and parlay this into a high-end service where I'm invoicing into the thousands (currently I charge mid-hundreds to low 1000s per job, depending on what they need) which, like I said, is enough to get by, but not enough to make a decent living. I feel like I'm in the right market for it, and have had a steady stream of work for quite awhile now, so, blah blah I'm just talking I think you get the point. There are absolutely services which invoice well into the thousands for this kind of work, so I know that what I'm after is within reach.

I've been doing a lot more marketing and promoting, spending money on ads, getting the word out to find new clients that aren't just word of mouth. I'd appreciate it if you could read what I've written as a potential client and see if it makes sense or sounds somewhat convincing.

(edit: this has been updated since the OP)

http://mpkelley.com/ab​out/

Sorry for not copying it in here, I just think that there are some photos that work really well with the text to help convey what I'm after.

Thanks for any help!

Yep the copy needs to be completely rewritten. To start with the about page usually says about the business, not about the service, that entire block of text needs to be rewritten and put onto the appropriate page. Then you need to write an about page.

If I were you i'd just outsource the writing job to a professional, there must be a place where writers offer to do small jobs for reasonably small amounts of money. You just need to tell them what you do and about you and let them come up with something.

I like your work, great example photos.

Could I consider just renaming that section? I really have zero interest in writing an "about me" page, trying to keep it minimal and to the point, and I think my blog conveys the 'about me/my business' aspect enough to give the client an idea of my personality and how my business is run from glancing at it.

I don't mind outsourcing it to a pro, though.

Thanks!

You need words on your "commercial" page, something like what's on your about page. As well as the gallery you need to list what you do, what you specialise in, and a few of the before after images would be great. Or put the words onto the commercial page and rename "about" to "before and after".

I didn't have an "about me" page for years, and even now it's pretty light. Check it out here. I like having about, "why hire us?", etc.

I tend to agree with much of the above. Large blocks of text usually go unread. Associate them with pictures or break them up in a more coherent way.

Also, avoid acronyms like the plague. Most people will know or work out what ROI means, but it still causes a change of mode while reading...and that means a loss of attention.

Commercial page took too long to load. Lost interest and moved on.

I don't see anything wrong with what you have written. You have a better feel for what your customers are looking for and the questions they ask most often, so are in the best position to write up ad copy. One thing, testimonials from your own customers can be valuable in this type of advertising.

Don't expect too much from the ad, though. It's just one part of the equation.

Hopefully you have done a cost of doing business analysis, looked closely at the competition in your particular market niche and carefully considered your target customer.

Ultimately, though, there is no substitute for wearing out some shoe leather... Walking into your potential clients' offices and introducing yourself. Maybe you are already doing this.... Make a list of all your target customers and start working it by phone, by mail, and in person.

A couple other things....

Why isn't your name and logo right at the top of each and every page on your website?

I also think your website, as a whole, fails to localize you. I figured out where you are located by digging, but that's something that should be right up front, in my opinion. Until I read part of your blog, as far as I knew you were likely located in a mountainous region of Canada, the U.S. or perhaps Europe. That was just a guess, from the photos, the general architectural styles shown, pine trees and snow in some of the pics. Check out www.billbachmann.com "Florida and the Earth" is right there on his home page. He's an assignment photographer who has worked in 140 countries. Sure, he'll go anywhere you want to send him (at your expense, of course). But he let's people know where his "home base" is, right up front. People shop globally on the Internet, so some businesses want to appear very international in nature, not be too specific about their location. Howver when it comes to services such as photography, in particular, people generally want to buy locally if at all possible!

J Michael wrote in post #11325587
Commercial page took too long to load. Lost interest and moved on.

Check your connection. This is the first I've ever heard of that happening in over a year.

amfoto1 wrote in post #11326723
I don't see anything wrong with what you have written. You have a better feel for what your customers are looking for and the questions they ask most often, so are in the best position to write up ad copy. One thing, testimonials from your own customers can be valuable in this type of advertising.

Don't expect too much from the ad, though. It's just one part of the equation.

Hopefully you have done a cost of doing business analysis, looked closely at the competition in your particular market niche and carefully considered your target customer.

Ultimately, though, there is no substitute for wearing out some shoe leather... Walking into your potential clients' offices and introducing yourself. Maybe you are already doing this.... Make a list of all your target customers and start working it by phone, by mail, and in person.

A couple other things....

Why isn't your name and logo right at the top of each and every page on your website?

I also think your website, as a whole, fails to localize you. I figured out where you are located by digging, but that's something that should be right up front, in my opinion. Until I read part of your blog, as far as I knew you were likely located in a mountainous region of Canada, the U.S. or perhaps Europe. That was just a guess, from the photos, the general architectural styles shown, pine trees and snow in some of the pics. Check out www.billbachmann.com "Florida and the Earth" is right there on his home page. He's an assignment photographer who has worked in 140 countries. Sure, he'll go anywhere you want to send him (at your expense, of course). But he let's people know where his "home base" is, right up front. People shop globally on the Internet, so some businesses want to appear very international in nature, not be too specific about their location. Howver when it comes to services such as photography, in particular, people generally want to buy locally if at all possible!

Great ideas. Thanks. I've been doing a lot of cold calling and walking around introducing myself to potential clients (made a big blog post about it not so long ago too.)

I have "lake tahoe commerical architecture photography" in the title bar but I like what you pointed out as well, so I'll make it a point to fix that.

My connection was fine. Today the about page loaded in 15 sec. and the commercial page loaded faster. I was just giving you a courtesy heads up re the load time.

The first time I tried to go to the site it was very slow. Not sure if it was my connection or the server.

I know that they were just doing a bunch of maintenance and it was down for a bit. I'll investigate.

OK, did another couple of tests today. From a client site the about page loaded in about 15 sec. and from home well over a minute, whereas every other site has good throughput. The commercial page loaded in about 10 sec. earlier today and looking like at least a minute right now. Another variable, earlier fetches were on a PC (Vista) and right now on a Mac running Safari. Could be related to amount of traffic your host is handling during busy hours etc. and not so much anything you're doing wrong with your site.

The site navigation is a little weird. If' I'm on the commercial page and click an image I go to a page with a larger view, but clicking the back button took me to the about page.

Ah, thanks JM. You're right, could be a server thing, but I'll see what I can do to speed it up.

and re: the navigation, the gallery is a javascript lightbox that just opens above the current page, so if you hit back, you'd go to wherever you'd come from. to close the lightbox, just click anywhere that's black. I guess that could be a little tricky, I'll take another look and ask around.

Thanks!

I have pasted your text into Microsoft Word and edited with the "track changes" feature activated it you'd like me to email you.